MLC and Covert Depression at 62?

[25yearsmlc]

What I haven't done in all of this is attend, in any real and important way, to WAP's HISTORY. I knew it was there but somehow did not connect what is happening now to what has happened with him before.

THIS is what I was getting at!

Now - don't go beating yourself up any. You've done a great job of taking care of yourself and your daughter. Congratulations on having gotten yourself this good job, and on being able to care for yourself. I know it must be demoralizing to have pinned your hopes on this fellow and then have him blow up in such a spectacular way, but it may turn out to be a blessing that it happened now and not much later.

Good things to do right now:

1) Make a budget and plan for your independent financial future. Check out the MrMoneyMustache blog for inspiration.

2) Plan for stress reduction - whatever works for you. Whether it's running, a nightly bubble bath, yoga, meditation - whatever works for you, schedule it into your week. Make it a priority.

3) Get a makeover - new haircut, color, makeup? Something to make you feel sassy and new.

4) Get some support - whether counseling or a 12 step group or some such - to figure out if there's something about why YOU picked these guys. Even when THEY are clearly in the wrong - there may be something about YOUR radar that you didn't pick it up. It would be good to address this. (I have a friend, for instance, who inevitably picks men who are alcoholics or ex-alcoholics. Give her a room of 20 men, let her pick one out on sight alone who she finds attractive- guarantee you she will pick out the alcoholic. And me - for the first few years after my divorce, I was attracted to men who turned out to be Love Avoidants; of course, what was really happening was that I really didn't want to get too close after being burned in my divorce, so I felt kinda "safe" with them.)

What NOT to do right now - ruminate on the ex, try to read his mind, wonder about what he's doing, obsess about him - all GIGANTIC wastes of time. If he comes crawling back later, THEN you can decide whether you want him back. But I'm guessing once you get a little distance, you're going to start to make sense of some things and realize he's not the one for you. You deserve better.

WHAT KML JUST SAID^^^^...and fwiw, this may sound superficial but bear with me.
I love perfume, and wonderful scents bring me a lot of emotional connection.

So when my h left, I bought two new scents I really loved but had not worn around h.

For some reason when I'd wear it, it made me feel like the "new" me in my new life, and it did Not serve as a reminder of anything negative.

When you eat meals, try to eat your favorite (and relatively healthy...) food, to Enjoy it, and force yourself to take naps or mentally to rest, and work out and get sleep and just, COMFORT and SOOTHE, yourself.

Keep on keeping on...