TRC2009,

Yes, it's normal at the point you decide to leave a relationship to seek support outside the marriage. Most WAS will seek "enablers" who will tell them that what they are doing is the right thing -- i.e. they will seek out people who have gotten a divorce or other people with troubled marriages. People who do not tell them what they want to hear are usually avoided.

It is also very common for a person leaving a relationship to be having an EA or a PA. It is usually the catalyst that allows them to drop the bomb, because they have arranged support and a soft landing.

Unfortunately, there's really nothing you can do about it other than not make it worse by trying to fight it. You have to take your eye off the ball and focus on you. You should also role play your arguments with your MC and have that person help you with your communication skills.

Do *not* broadcast your progress to your W, let her observe it (or not) for herself. If she thinks you're doing things as a ploy to get her back she will not be interested. If you make changes, she needs to believe they are real, and she will only believe that if you're doing it *for yourself* when no one is looking.

Acc


Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced
M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11
Start Reconcile: 8/15/11
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced)
In a New Relationship: 3/2015