Won't stop affair. Want divorce now.

[ericmsant2]

Lost

I'm going for joint custody at the end

JC is a given in most cases. It means that legally you and your W both make decision about the child. It is separate from visitation or physical custody. How often do you want to see your daughter – is the real question.

But I'll continue to a better person.

To accomplish this ^^^^^ you must do…..

This…

How open were you and your W to talking to each other? Was she comfortable at telling you things that bothered her? Did you "lead" the conversations before or were you able to be a good listener? Think hard about that before you answer.

You really need to start to think about YOUR role in this. Where you messed up, why you messed up and how can you avoid repeating the same mistakes going forward.

I'm also Planning to travel soon.

Have you considered taking your daughter with you? Maybe a little daddy daughter time.

The only mistake I made was supporting her dream to become a physician. I allow her to travel to different state for her clinical rotations, I pay her rent and give her everything she need to be comfortable. She never made mention of any issue. I saw some changes but never discuss it with her thinking that goes with the stress of school. I was also very understanding of her raising our daughter by herself. Even though I traveled every month and give them everything she need. I know a woman need more than that to survive. I know a woman need others things other just being a provider. But my situation will not allow me to just up move. Bills need to paid. We all need to eat. It was a joint decision for me to stay to provide for the family.

Read what you wrote again and think about what Mr. Bond and LFW are posting to you…. The “only” mistake I made…. “I allowed her”….. “I pay her rent and give her everything”….”I was also very understanding of her raise our daughter by herself” ….. “I gave them everything they need”.

These comments if you really look at them paint YOU as a blameless, victim and martyr. One really sticks out at me… “I allow her to”. Lost, you do not own her. Did you really respect her?

On one hand you acknowledge that what you were doing was not really what she may have needed….

I know a woman need more than that to survive. I know a woman need others things other just being a provider.

And on the other hand…you give yourself an excuse…

But my situation will not allow me to just up move. Bills need to paid. We all need to eat.

I am not criticizing you…I just want you see your role in this.

what can a man do when you don't have any other option.

You do have OPTIONS. Stop thinking that you do not. They may not be the OPTIONS THAT YOU want….but you do have options.

She never mention anything until everything is set for her.

Maybe she did mention it to you and you just did not know how to hear it. “Everything is set for her” – do you understand why she may have taken this approach? Do you see where in some way, you promoted this?

I honestly think I was used.

Any maybe you were. Are you gonna sit around and just sulk and think about all the things that she did over the years OR are you gonna find a way to learn from this and give yourself and your daughter a shot at trying to fix this? Look forward Lost – not backwards.