it stuns me that out of a post as long as the one I just wrote you (which took the better part of an hour of my time) you'd focus on the one part that bothers you. And get so piqued about it.
I said I "almost find the title '8 weeks still...on the journey" funny. Did you ever look to See My timeline? I've been here 8 Years and I'm "still" on my journey.
You had a long m. Your problems being solved in 8 weeks, is not a realistic appraisal of how long this MARATHON is.
So yeah, I said it was "almost funny". I could have said "silly" but that sounded mean to me.
I wanted you to realize that it is NOT a long time to fight for your m or to accept some ambiguity in your situation.
I had ambiguity for several months, DBing for well over a year before I thought we MIGHT be headed toward piecing,
which was another year, and then we went to Retrovaille and THEN we reconciled.
So yeah...8 weeks? Why don't you tell me what 8 weeks at this and "STILL on the journey", means to you? Are you going to quit at a given moment in time? I'm sincerely asking b/c you are acutely aware of time and yet pretty hurried to be done with all this.
When Gilda Radner awaited the biopsy results from her cancer surgery, she wrote that she wondered if the results would mean that the following year,
she and her husband Gene Wilder would again try for a child, OR
if she'd be dead from cancer, OR
still fighting it.
She said "we all live with some ambiguity; cancer just serves to highlight that. I need to Learn to EMBRACE THE AMBIGUITY"...
and it stuck with me. It's not fun to be unsure if you'll still be m next year.
But in reality, tomorrow is promised to no one; and none of us KNOWS that our spouse will always be here for us.
So we have to find solace in our faith, either in God, or ourselves or our loved ones or just believe that the universe is not a crummy place to be.
Let that faith comfort and strengthen you, So the ambiguity does not get "inside".
I know you were in a weird place when you made your remarks to me, (which I did find pretty annoying to be honest). But maybe, maybe this is a teaching point for you.
Do you think you do that with your w?
I'm not saying this "proves" anything! But do you think you ever do that with your w? I FELT as if you were a jerk for saying anything but "thanks" to me. I FELT as if you could have asked me to explain my comment, b/c in the context of a huge long thought out "paper" to you, ending your post with a rebuke to me was wildly inappropriate. WE ARE FINE, okay?
But when I ponder MY Own ^^^ emotional response to your reaction, I wonder if you think you have ever reacted like that, with your w? Assuming the answer is yes, What triggers it?
How do you cope with her being surprised at your reaction?
Does it ever make you take a step back, to see if maybe she is NOT intending to be nasty or cruel, and you are merely being defensive? What happens then?
Regardless of your answer to the above^^,
please tell me how you two Resolve Conflict or if it is not resolved, how conflict is experienced by you as a couple.
I am not at all sure you react to her the way you did to that sentence of mine, but you might. And if you do, then LEARN/CHANGE from this.
Otherwise, all the pain of this "ordeal" is utterly wasted.
And that's a shame b/c the single good thing to come of all this drama in our lives, this marathon ordeal,
is our own personal work and growth. Hence my hammering the "dig deep" and "look in the mirror" comments.
We are all WE control, so we have to work on US. It is never our job to work on them.
