What I haven't done in all of this is attend, in any real and important way, to WAP's HISTORY. I knew it was there but somehow did not connect what is happening now to what has happened with him before.
THIS is what I was getting at!
Now - don't go beating yourself up any. You've done a great job of taking care of yourself and your daughter. Congratulations on having gotten yourself this good job, and on being able to care for yourself. I know it must be demoralizing to have pinned your hopes on this fellow and then have him blow up in such a spectacular way, but it may turn out to be a blessing that it happened now and not much later.
Good things to do right now:
1) Make a budget and plan for your independent financial future. Check out the MrMoneyMustache blog for inspiration.
2) Plan for stress reduction - whatever works for you. Whether it's running, a nightly bubble bath, yoga, meditation - whatever works for you, schedule it into your week. Make it a priority.
3) Get a makeover - new haircut, color, makeup? Something to make you feel sassy and new.
4) Get some support - whether counseling or a 12 step group or some such - to figure out if there's something about why YOU picked these guys. Even when THEY are clearly in the wrong - there may be something about YOUR radar that you didn't pick it up. It would be good to address this. (I have a friend, for instance, who inevitably picks men who are alcoholics or ex-alcoholics. Give her a room of 20 men, let her pick one out on sight alone who she finds attractive- guarantee you she will pick out the alcoholic. And me - for the first few years after my divorce, I was attracted to men who turned out to be Love Avoidants; of course, what was really happening was that I really didn't want to get too close after being burned in my divorce, so I felt kinda "safe" with them.)
What NOT to do right now - ruminate on the ex, try to read his mind, wonder about what he's doing, obsess about him - all GIGANTIC wastes of time. If he comes crawling back later, THEN you can decide whether you want him back. But I'm guessing once you get a little distance, you're going to start to make sense of some things and realize he's not the one for you. You deserve better.
