I found out about my wife's long-term affair last December. Leading up to the affair things had been a bit rough and they obviously didn't improve while the affair was underway. After I confronted her she had said she wasn't sure if she wanted to stay in the marriage or not. After about a few weeks, she agreed to stay and work on the M but refused NC and transparency. I think her exact words were,"There is no way in h*ll you're getting the password to my email."
Since then things have gradually improved, but I've since reminded her once that before we can start to address the problems in the marriage that we need to first establish trust...and that starts with her bringing some transparency to the relationship. She protested, saying that she hasn't spoken to the OM in weeks. She has also been very good about saying where she's going and when she'll be home.
To a certain point, knowing passwords and having access to accounts is a good way to establish trust, if it's given freely. Since it's possible for my WW to maintain contact with the M with a prepaid phone or a new email account, isn't this largely a symbolic gesture? It may not actually prove NC.
