You ask: How would a letter validating her feelings go against Sandi's Rules?
This goes against the first three cardinal rules from Sandi's Rules below. By writing a letter to the WAS, it introduces pressure to them. They're NOT interested in hearing your opinions at all!! They've mentally checked out of the M. Put the focus on YOU.
1.Do not pursue, reason, chase, beg, plead or implore! This turns the spouse completely off!
2. No frequent phone calls to spouse.......let him/her be the one to call you. Then don't try to hang on to your spouse through conversation.....instead, you say good-bye first.
3. Do not point out good points in marriage or try to get him/her to read marriage books, look at your M pictures, etc. Especially, do not get him/her to read the DB/DR book. That is for you only!
Would the letter be pursuing?
Yep. Oui.
She is a WAS so is it better to not validate that she hurts?
The only time you do validate W is when she brings up R talks or M talks. Then you listen and validate her. No mind reading. Until those R talks are brought up by W, you STFU and go about your business of GALing, etc.
