I'm in, wife's out

[trc2009]

Thanks Accuray! I agree that me leaving the house probably wasn't the best thing. But I kind of feel that I can't just go back and say "I'm coming home" because that will push her away. I really wish I would have found this site before we made that huge decision but here we are.

I read Rule 30 and it really stood out to me. "Do not believe any of what you hear them say and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives and do so in the most strident tones imaginable. Try to remember that they are also hurting and afraid. Try to remember that they know what they are doing is wrong and so they will say anything they can to justify their behavior."

She's had a habit the last six weeks of speaking out of both sides of her mouth. We went to the MC and she more or less seemed like she was just going through the motions. While there I was pretty open and she was reserved. The therapist asked her if we wanted to schedule a follow-up appointment. She said we can but didn't think it would make a difference. To me, that was her saying it's over. We got home and talked for a while after the appointment and I asked her why she didn't want to go back to the MC. She said that she never said that and we told the MC that we'd call her if we wanted to see her again.

Everything with her is very open-ended like that and it's so, so confusing.

In one breath she'll say she's as happy as she's been since before we met. And then she'll sit there and stare into space for 10 minutes and when she does speak, it's in a very pessimistic tone. I question whether or not she really is happy or if that's just her defense mechanism kicking in right now. Acting like she's really happy to justify her thoughts of wanting out of or marriage.

Just so, so confusing. I'm going to get the Divorce Remedy book. It's really hard because I do see her almost every day. And I know she's anxious when I'm around her. So am I around her. We won't even risk going to the grocery store together in fear that some little thing will trigger an argument.