Thanks for the advice. I appreciate all the advice from Eric, sandi2 and lostforwrds. I went about this whole situation very wrong. But I'm listening now and ready to fix me. I do believe now that woman are not attracted to weakness. The crying and begging didn't get me anywhere. I'm working on me from now and figuring best possible way to be there for my daughter. I appreciate the tough love from you guys. It's more of real awakening for me
Well I pay the day care, cell phone bill, auto insurance, I just finish paying her car 2month ago. I've also stopped paying the rent since she make a little more now. Deposit money to her account for shopping for my daughter, food and other stuff. I pay the insurance. I've cut some things. I enjoy playing soccer and traveling. Can't do that now because of our current situation. I will try and link up with some old soccer mate if I can find them. I only have two friends and they both married with kids. She asked me to marry her and also asked us to have kids. She was disappointed when it didn't happen the first time, I was wondering why but she said because we only see other once a month. Eric, respect have to be earn. It's not given. You have to work for it. I bought her stuff because she's my wife and don't make much. Not for sex or anything. No, I don't own her. She's a independent woman who make her own decision. I was never controlling but supportive. I started drinking because I was hurt. That was the only way I can relieve some of the pain. I want my daughter to be happy, I don't want her to see any fight or arguement with mom and dad. I want the best possible life with her. I want to experience some holiday with mom and dad, not necessarily I and w married but just to experience the spirit of the holiday with both parent without any fight. I'm not sure about the credit card. I know she has some high balance on her credit card. I paid the card down but she used them again. She was very loving and supportive at beginning. She even help with taking care of some of the renter properties we own by sending letters out. The last couple of yrs was different. She does help but I saw some distance. I blame myself for ignoring the sign and not doing something about it soon. I'll give her a great credit for taking care of out D. I enjoyed spending time with her and visiting family together. We always have some good time anytime we out. Our sex life was awesome at the beginning. She surprises me anything she's home. But everything change after our daughter got here. She hate her body, she complain about her looks and other stuff.
What about joining an adult recreation soccer league? They are all over around here and the levels go from just for fun to highly competitive....I have to bet there are some in the Atlanta area.
You bring up finances and the bills you are paying. Have you thought about how to handle things to make sure your daughter is well taken care, but that also doesn't mean you are enabling/financing the affair? As Eric mentioned....watch the credit cards.
I think one or two of the credit card was opened before we even met. I've no way of looking into her debt. I know she got heavy loan from getting two graduate degree. So she probably has over $250k In school loan. Her credit card bill comes to the house and that's about it. She has being sending the signal of doing some stuff on her own, for example she spoke about auto insurance and cell phone two weeks ago. I was wondering why, but now I know that was her way of detaching herself from the marriage. She's starting to take some step to cut stuff off. How long do you think I should wait before filling? I'm willing to be patient, but I'll hate for her to file before I do. I know she's getting great advice from family. Her uncle happend to be a judge and she also got one or two lawyers in her family.
I'm only gonna touch on a few of these. You seem to handle smaller doses more than the longer ones.
Originally Posted By: Lost!
Well I pay the day care, cell phone bill, auto insurance, I just finish paying her car 2month ago. I've also stopped paying the rent since she make a little more now. Deposit money to her account for shopping for my daughter, food and other stuff. I pay the insurance. I've cut some things.
I would advise you to take a look at this, and find a certain set amount that you are sending her. (Work this out with your attorney first)
I realize that it sounds harsh, although her new reality should not come "all expenses" paid. Let her work her own stuff within a budget, that includes what her "new" reality may look like.
Do you really want to finance her affair ???
Originally Posted By: Lost
I enjoy playing soccer and traveling. Can't do that now because of our current situation.
Wrong...
Now is the perfect time to find that for yourself again...
Originally Posted By: Lost
She asked me to marry her and also asked us to have kids. She was disappointed when it didn't happen the first time,
Don't blame her for where you are in your life now. It will not serve either of you well to place every thing on her...
You played a part in this marriage too...
Right ??
Originally Posted By: Lost
I bought her stuff because she's my wife and don't make much. Not for sex or anything. No, I don't own her. She's a independent woman who make her own decision. I was never controlling but supportive.
Keeping track of every thing that you have given her, is controlling. It is scorekeeping, and it keep you from seeing the bigger picture of who you are at your core.
While it may not have been the reason, there were expectations of sex within those things.
Originally Posted By: Lost
I started drinking because I was hurt.
That is an excuse. Nobody is responsible for your actions except for you....
I'm taking to a lawyer tomorrow but still afraid how all this will go down. I miss my wife and clearly hate all this. But now I know she's not lovable right now. I've to respect myself. How can i be loving a woman that sleep with another man multiple times a week.
I never drink at home before all this, I drink occasionally and when out. I'm not trying to blame her for asking me to marry her. I love her and want a future with her. It's unfortunate that our future is slipping away from us. But such is life. I'm addressing all issue with my lawyer tomorrow. I need to know my right in all of this. I need to know my do and don't. It's just simple. I've no idea what she's doing. So I've to protect myself.
Let me tell you guys one thing I miss the most. We talk on the phone multiple times a day before all this. I can always hear my daughter at the back of the car saying is that daddy. Now she will be asking but I guess she will ignore her because she's on the with OM
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I just got done having a 1hr consultation with my lawyer. I laid everything on the table. She advice me of my rights as a father. She asked for more documentation of our finances, custody, the evidence I've of the affair and some other stuff that will benefit me if this ever goes to settlement. Overall, the meeting went well. I paid the retaining cost and meeting with her next week.
Wife called last night to inform me her car may need some work done to it. I ignore her call, but later called her back after getting a text from her that its urgent. I told her she made the choice to step out of our marriage and fixing her will no longer be my problem. I was nice but change the conversation to my daughter.
I got another phone call and text this morning from her. Once again, I ignore her call but called back after texting that my daughter is sick. I kept the conversation strictly about my daughter, she asked what am doing. I ignore her but asked if I need to send a prescription. W said no. I told he to keep me informed of any changes. I told her thanks for the call and hang up.
