[quote=AnotherStander] Detaching has got to be the most misunderstood concept on these forums. All it means is that you are not going to let your spouse's attitude affect yours. YOU are responsible for YOUR feelings and SHE is responsible for HERS. That's all it means. I've put it this way before:
Attached: Wife happy, you're happy. Wife sad, you're sad. Wife angry, you're angry.
I am new to these forums and I also have a "live-in" WAW. My BD was 7/2013 and it is very hard to detach and get off that emotional roller coaster with her! Now mine has never actually asked for a D, and is attempting to work through it in IC/MC, but she still has her hot/cold periods!
What AnotherStander wrote was about as point blank as you can get! Sometimes you have to force it, but it does get easier over time. Wake up with a smile, tell her good morning! if she wants to chat, keep it light and in good spirit; if not, go about your business. Be upbeat and polite; don't push for anything. Occupy your day with activities / work that makes YOU happy (GAL it up)!
As for the snooping stuff that has been mentioned; DON'T DO IT! There is a difference between solid indication that something is going on and just poking around, worrying, trying to see if something is going on.
My wife having her EA was obvious signs and it didn't take much to break it open, expose it, and put the NC boundary on it. Where I hurt myself was continuing to obsess. I had everything tapped; key loggers, voice activated recording devices, tracking programs on all the electronics, you name it. In the end, nothing else was going on, but I was driving myself crazy with worry. Just let it go; they will do what they want anyway and you can't stop them so just let it go!
Azagtoth
Me: 44 X WAW/MLC: 42 Kids: S21, D11 BD: July 2013 (ILYBNILWY) EAx2: Busted 1 OCT 2013; 25 Mar 2014 Status: Divorcing & Done! Waiting to be final (Nov 2014?) & glad it's finally over!
