What I'm suggesting is that some women (and probably some men) who feel rejected or unloved by a spouse, need to be pursued. An A is a big fat rejection in the most intimate of ways. It makes a woman feel insecure as heck (and that does Not increase the libido!)
In those situations, I'd argue that going cold is more of the same, or worse.
Yes, it's possible, and if he feels that's the case here, he should let his wife know that he "gets it" (by acknowledging where he fell short), and commit to her that he will work on those issues as soon as she ends her affair.
"End your affair and return to the marriage, and I think you will find that I am willing to work on any and all issues -- including my own. But make no mistake, in the meantime, I am NOT willing to live in an open marriage" should be his position.
In my opinion.
On a final note, there are more than one kind of "test". It's far more likely (again, in my opinion, but let's just say "JUST" as likely for the sake of argument) that his wife is testing him to see if he will strongly enforce his own boundaries, and remain firm in them and ALSO remain firm in exhibiting new behaviors that he is a changed man who "gets it."
