Tough, Are you living in my head or what. Do we have the same WAW? I have been wondering the same thing too, am I ignoring or detaching. Is there a difference?
Detaching has got to be the most misunderstood concept on these forums. All it means is that you are not going to let your spouse's attitude affect yours. YOU are responsible for YOUR feelings and SHE is responsible for HERS. That's all it means. I've put it this way before:
Attached: Wife happy, you're happy. Wife sad, you're sad. Wife angry, you're angry.
Here is another blurb on detachment, this was posted a long time ago by Peanut:
Quote:
Detachment is critical to the process of altering and repairing a relationship.
Attached, we take personally all that is said, not said, done and not done.
Our ego gets wounded and we are more inclined to those actions that will undermine our very best chances of accomplishing our goals.
We cannot control the actions of another. We are, however, responsible for our own actions. We are responsible for our own happiness.
If we are detached from the actions of another, we can meet anger or indifference with love. Met with love we are in a position to diffuse the situation and transform it in a way that will be in alignment with our goals.
On the flipside, detachment allows us to play it cool when we do get a positive reaction from our spouse. It is a way to break the distance/pursuer cycle.
Detachment is not withdrawal. It is not the mind saying, ‘I am not getting what I want so I must pull back.’
It is the natural acceptance that I am alone responsible for how I act. I cannot control another person, but I can control how I respond to them."
