I feel my marriage is done

[TSquared2]

Re-framing. Tough to explain, but here is an example.

My W is "deliberately not divorced or separated". Been having affairs, and until recently a stay at home Mom.

Now, I could look at this as taking advantage of me, using me,...OR....that I am providing a safe, sane place for her to figure herself out.

My choice is what do I choose to think of this?

I am being used. OR

I am providing, like for a family member having issues, and may not be compensated. But I do it because I am kind, etc.

No matter the reality of the sitch, how YOU chose to look at it is in your control.

You have a fear (understandably) of breaking her boundaries, pushing her away. So staying away, letting her lead is either a reaction to her, OR, you deciding that YOU need space, to learn about you, etc. Which feels better? Perception is reality, and you control perception.

Hope that helps a wee bit.

And yes, I am providing a safe, sane place for her to figure herself out atm.