separated 8 weeks still on the journey

[paul19510]

Paul, I had IC today, and he reinforced that the LBS will cycle through all the grief emotions over and over, but they will be less intense and should eventually space further and further apart.

You will heal. He also said I (and you) have already survived the worst part.

And, M... Veruca Salt is my alter ego right now!!! Lol

Artsy thanks!. I am honored that you thought of me. I find myself going through an interesting emotion right now. I won't act on it. I have an intense feeling that I somehow hold the key to say something different. That W is merely waiting for me to say with conviction "come home....you should not be living out of a suitcase....that's not the right thing to do..."

Of course this is something my mind made up. she would probably not answer my request or she would say something like, I don't know. I have to thing about it.....the fact is she's going to a lot of trouble to stay gone. there must be a reason.

Perhaps what my friend said to me last night was correct; that any time we talk about it or I tell her I don't want what's happening, I cause her to stay stuck in a painful place.

On my ride home from Hockey with the kids tonight, I kept flashing back to times when W would kiss me while making dinner and I'd be preoccupied and such. Sometimes she'd put her foot on top of mine to keep me near for a second longer. Those memories are 10 or 12 years old. But times like that did happen. The woman I see now has lost the sparkle in her eyes. She looks tired. When she posed for a facebook pic with D13 at their banquet Saturday, it was there. When she is alone with me or near me it is not there. I can't tell if she lets her guard down with me or if being near me makes that happen. Which woman is "real"?

I'm rambling. so many thoughts.

btw, I told W about Coach Jody on Friday. I said I'd known her and worked within these ideas since Dec 2012. She sounded interested, but mad for some reason. Not sure why...Almost of a "too little to late feeling...." My friend has said, she doesn't think it'd matter what I change or do. W will still feel unhappy until she decides to do otherwise....