Reaching out for support and advice 3

[bluesgal]

I'm trying every day to wrap my head around this whole MLC idea. H is touch and go. We met yesterday at his Grandma's birthday party. He showed up late.

When he walked in, he did not greet me, the kids, say hi. Seemed out of place and out of sorts. I could tell he was uncomfortable. I finally tried to deliberately make eye contact with him where he was sitting and said hi and smiled. He seemed to relax.

After the meal we talked a little. His tears are right below the surface. Said he is miserable. I told him moving out is something he's wanted to do and I asked him if it made him happy. He said he's miserable now but no more miserable than when he lived at home. He said there are no answers. Then later he mentioned helping pick up supplies for our home and for the kids. I didn't say anything and then he insisted. I asked him why he wants so badly to help. This time there were tears forming and almost full crying. I NEED to help. I WANT to be involved.

This all took place in a very public setting. He is so messed up. He came to our house after the party and was on edge with the kids. He was impatient and acted like he wanted to leave. Finally, we had a misunderstanding with S and H got very angry. I told him that if he's to continue to have angry outbursts, he is not welcome here until he is under control. He left.

Today we drove together to get our taxes prepared and did really well. Had a good tax experience. Got groceries at a fun market, ate at a fun restaurant. When we do things like that it reminds me that we did have a good relationship with good memories. Funny how you can begin to believe the rewritten history.

I am now finally accepting the gravity of the demise of my M and relationship with H. I have let go of the rope. I have occasional pangs of upset stomach when I wonder if he's with OW again, then remember that I'm a really great gal. HE has the problem. I am working on my baggage. I shrug my shoulders and move on when those bad thoughts enter.

The kids and I have GAL like crazy. Having lots of fun. I'm trying to enjoy every moment.

Question: Does anyone else have a WAS or MLCer that drives around a lot? My H puts some serious miles on our vehicles driving aimlessly around on random roads and through random towns. He will do this for hours sometimes. What does it mean?