Thanks for your input. I have given up on exposing the affair for the most part. I have told one friend of ours, but right now my husband seems to be avoiding everyone in his life except the OW. (This is just my impression, not fact.) Interestingly, however, my husband's partner (who also had an affair with this same OW) has recently left his wife as well. She has started telling people at their work that they both have left us. I have told her not to do this for me, since I would like to get our dog back.
At times, my husband acts as if he wants to divorce amicably. But my attorney called his after they attempted to serve me and of course the info that got back to him was not the total truth. Then he sent me a text that was just blaming me for everything again and irrational. So I left him a note saying I can't be treated this way anymore and that we could divide our belongings when he could be civil.
It is hard for me to see his side about taking the money for several reasons. First, I found out he was on a trip with another woman. Second, I waited to take it until he should have returned to work and didn't bother to come home. Third, I returned it when he said he would read Harley's books and go to counseling. Fourth, he got furious about his retirement, hid some cash, took our safe key, and changed passwords, so I felt I had to take it back. I feel that he should have told me how he felt about our marriage before it was too late (in his mind) to work on it, that he should never gotten involved with OW. What did he expect me to do? I'm not an attorney and had to do what I was advised. We live in a community property state, so it is still his even though it's in my name. And I've discussed returning some of it with my attorney and he told me not to do this.
I have trouble deciding whether my husband is having a MLC or if this is just an exit affair. By letting the dust settle, I assume you mean to do no contact for a while? The thing is, I'm getting to the point that I don't know if I can keep doing this. I'm alleging the adultery in the divorce paperwork and if I go this route, we could be divorced in less than a month. I feel that for my recovery, the faster that I move on, the better. But it's so hard to accept that my marriage is over, in what seems like the blink of an eye. If I don't do the infidelity route, it would be 4 or 5 months max.
Do any of these WS ever come back for real? I loved my husband dearly and had no clue that he was unhappy with me or us. I feel so abandoned and do so poorly with the 180 tactics and as if strategies. I've read that people who have so many emotional issues left should not be getting divorced.
