MLC and Covert Depression at 62?

[25yearsmlc]

TOTAL agreement with KML's comments above^^.

This man is NOT a role model of what a husband (or "Sig Other" or partner) should be. A terrible thing for your d to witness.

Also, who cares if it is MLC? What difference does it make? There is ZERO evidence that says MLCers come home more often. They change, yes.

But for the better or worse, depends. He's 62 and this is NOT out of the blue.

There is nothing "new" or wildly different or out of character for him here.

(But so what if there were? I urge you to stop reading about MLCs and start creating a new stable life for your d and yourself. SHE must be the priority, seriously. As a military family we moved a lot. Your d is at the age where that gets to be traumatic for them. Give her some stability, please. Trust me on this.)

He's a chronic liar, so while you were shocked, it does not mean this has "suddenly" hit HIM.

To me, his NYE note sounds resolute. There is no room for him to "work on" the R, at all. Nor a need to, b/c he's into OWs. And his depression is all about you.

Only time away from you and yet not so happy, will reveal that to him. You can't.

And pressuring him in any way is what he says he does NOT want and I'd believe him.

In,
I have not seen many women move their young daughters across the ocean to be with a man who won't put a ring on the finger. I know you feel that m was not what YOU wanted, or at least you knew HE did not want that. I get that.

But why MOVE with her, to him?

Why take your d to live w/you while unmarried, to live with a man who is clearly not suited for long Rs?

Not to make you feel guilty as a mother but to remind you that SHE has to come first now. Where is her bio father? Anywhere nearby? Can she spend some time with him soon?

Wow, I can only imagine what she must think of men.

You (both) got dumped so unceremoniously, I cannot imagine wanting this man in my life OR HERS.

BTW, I missed it, but what becomes of his r with your d? ANY contacts for them, or is she also cut off?

If there is interest in maintaining contact between them, I hope they can do so without any interference from you. I mean, this guy MIGHT mean a lot to her.

But otherwise, I say RUN FROM HIM as fast as a plane can carry you. (In 7 years on this board, I have never said that before.)

But you are not married to this CAD, and the one advantage of that, is there is nothing to work out legally or in terms of custody. I cannot see any reason to work on this. Seriously.

Whatever you believed about how well matched you two are, is false or no longer relevant.

The sooner you accept that, the sooner you and your d can move on to a life in which SHE and you are the priorities and independence from him is achieved.

Sorry but this guy reeks of being BAD NEWS in nearly every way possible.

You can and must do better. Are you in counseling? I mean, this is the second or third long R that you have been in that has not lasted.

What role do you believe your behavior, or your choice in men, plays in this?

I'm not into assigning blame but do want you to learn from this ordeal. It's the only upside of this experience, improving ourselves and learning and usually, improving our R's.

Dig deep and do right by your d. Please. That's the most clarifying thing I can tell you is to

DO RIGHT BY HER and get her into a place she can have stability and the floor won't be yanked out from under her. And be there for her.

When my marital crisis began, my pain and anger kept me from being fully present for my kids. Thank God they had each other. Your d is an only child. She is counting on you to make HER life stable.

Do right by her and you will have a lot fewer regrets in life.