I had an Affair and Wife now wants Divorce

[25yearsmlc]

I'll go read the citation Starsky, (b/c you say it's "brilliant' and that means something to me). Also I don't mean to hijack this thread, but perhaps clarification will be good or useful

Starsky, You wrote:

Yes, absolutely. Pursuing/placating/supplicating behavior is unattractive in EITHER sex, and any spouse claiming to want divorce should be allowed to begin to feel the consequences of that decision. If we shelter them from it by continuing to act as their spouse in every way that entails, they will never be forced into the "crucible" that Schnarch wrote so brilliantly about.

My question relates to this^^^....

"ANY spouse...want divorce should be allowed to...feel consequences".

So, a beaten spouse who finally wants to end the abuse, gets what from her LBS?

A SSM in which the spouse who feels chronically rejected, who finally realizes the M won't ever have enough affection for their needs, will never "speak in their'love language"',
and wants their painful situation to end, files or says they want to.

My question is, why wouldn't you want to advise their LBS to pursue or work on their m?

Why not allow the LBS (in that situation) to be validated for being hurt so often that they'd feel the need to end the M?

What's with holding back on a spouse who already felt rejected or denied?

I think elaboration is probably what I'm seeking.