I know that you have no idea who I am, or what I stand for. And for me to post to you and tell you that I would recommend that you listen to the others that have posted to you, would mean very little.
When I first came to these boards over 6 years ago, I was much like you. I was overwhelmed at what had become my life, and I was blindsided by what my (now)Ex wife had done TO me.
I couldn't imagine why this woman, that I cherished with all of my heart, would ever want to leave, and find a life other than what I had "given" her.
What could be so wrong with it ???
I had given her my all, or so I thought I had...
I have been where you are, and so have the others that have posted to you. We KNOW how badly this hurts, and the sting of the sleepless nights. The bottomless feeling in your stomach that won't allow you to eat. The thoughts of life not being worth living now. The thought that if this ever happened to you, that you would die.
I can tell you this much, and it may or may not mean much to you....
The worst thing that you ever thought that could happen to you, already has happened to you. And guess what ??
You are still here, and you have been given this incredible opportunity , and while you will not see that for quite a while, you have to proceed with blind trust that it will happen (as long as you do not hide from yourself).
These other people posting to you ??
They all started here with the same questions as you have. They all have felt the same pain as you are feeling right now...
I remember reading their first posts, and posting very similar thing to them when they first came to these boards. And I remember them fighting the process, and questioning the process. DBing is counter-intuitive, and it will seem the exact opposite of every thing that you think SHOULD be the correct thing to do.
I remember reading the posts of people that were a couple years ahead of me when I first started reading here, and thinking that there was NO WAY, that I would ever feel good again. I can tell you that I was wrong. I would seek out the advice of Sandi2, and I would try to absorb every ounce of knowledge that she would expend.
The first thing that needs to happen, is that you need to slow down, and start to breathe again. You need to know, that no matter what happens with the outcome of this, YOU WILL BE OKAY...
This will not kill you, and it will make you stronger....
The past is behind you. There is nothing that you can do to change it. The only thing that you CAN do, is to learn from it, so that mistakes will not happen again in the future.
There is NOTHING that you can DO, to change her mind, and to try, will be a fruitless waste of time. There are NO quick fixes for this, nor should you want that...
This did not break overnight, and it cannot be fixed overnight.
For now, PLEASE try and slow down. Eat something, get some sleep, and try to not focus on what could be.
You will not talk your way out of a situation, that you acted your way into....
Your future hasn't been written yet, and just because you MAY divorce, it doesn't mean that IF you can do the hard work ( which will be focused on down the road), that you cannot have a brand new relationship with your current spouse in the future.
I believe that Eric asked you some questions???
Take the time to answer them. Not for him, rather for you...
Nobody here is against you Lost, please remember that...
