Won't stop affair. Want divorce now.

[ericmsant2]

Lost

Can you please answer the question in the earlier posts. It seems like you only respond to a few questions – not the harder ones. This tells me that 1) you are not taking the time to read them and/or 2) you really are looking for the silver bullet to get your W back. Both are not good for YOU. I am trying to help you but I need your help to do so.

My father gave us everything. Took very good care of my mom. Bought her everything she want because she was a good mother.

So in some ways what you saw growing up impacted how you treated your W. Is the way that you show love is to buy things? Take a step back for a second and think about it. You were apart from your W for years – so physical intimacy was impacted on some level. By physical I do not just mean sex. I mean physical…a touch, a hug, a kiss. Since you and your W were apart you really could not do this. Right? So…was the way YOU showed YOUR wife love …to buy her things and take care of her financially? Following the same thought process, do you know how YOUR W gave love? What did she do for YOU? How did you feel love from her?

But the distance kind of kill everything

Reverse the roles for a second. Say you were in her shoes, away from home and she was home 12 hours away. Would YOU have wanted her to move down? Why did you really go this long and this distant from your D?

Time to work on me and get myself better

Then answer the questions that I keep asking.

She make some money now but I'm the breadwinner of the family. I pretty much pay for everything.

Maybe I am misreading you..or misunderstanding you. The way you write this ^^ to me comes across as very cocky. A little machismo in my opinion. Yes you paid for everything – we have heard this from you oh….a million times. Beside pay for chit what did you do for your W. Emotionally? What did you do?

Something else to add to your homework…..go pick up the book the five love languages. Read it slowly..

The reason for not moving with her was because of my job.

Part of me understands this on some level. It was after all the OLD me. Work..money…provide… yeah…I was the man. Except I wasn’t. I could have been a better H. Could have been a better father. Was I a horrible H – NO. was I a horrible father? NO. I could though have been better. Better yet….I’ll put myself in your spot. I was offered a job to move to Tokyo. A HUGE increase in salary. Big bucks. Corporate expense acct. I said NO. Why? Cause my kids matter. My partner matters. Lost – MONEY is NOT EVERYTHING. It really is not. So….as I asked before…what are your plans with YOUR daughter? She is (3 I think). She needs her DAD.

I also told her last year that the distance is affecting me and I need her to come home or I move down there. She talked me into staying and looking at the big picture.

Considering this post ^^^^…..I want you to think about something. One word comes to mind. CONVICTION. IF you wanted to move down to be closer to her. Why didn’t YOU. Maybe the action would have shown her that YOU made a choice (you really showed male leadership) to be closer to her and your D. I totally get the contact thing. Totally. You are both medical professional – I’m sure you could have found something where she lived. Why didn’t you just move? Search yourself for the answer. I suspect that the answer had to do with MONEY. Your income potential. Answer….Lost…why did you not move to be closer to the women who you loved and your little girl?