I won't give up II

[Notlikingthis]

Bea, Thanks for "coming out" and posting. I've always valued your advice and opinions. My mlcer hasn't been an angry one but I see the similarities in our husbands' character. In the past I had a tendency to defend or excuse his quirky ways because of his mostly "normal" appearing behavior and above average intellect. Now, looking back I do believe that you're therapist or ANY therapist would probably say the same about my h.

It angers me that adultery is acceptable and that the laws have changed to the point where a marriage can be dissolved as "irreconcilable" with the snap of a finger without regard to the destruction of lives in the process. You and Job and a few others have posted about mlc being a mental illness. If only it would be recognized in the mental health community. Those effected might get the help that they need. There would be a lot fewer children and spouses suffering the consequences of a family torn apart by this mental illness.

When and if it comes down to it, I will give my h the canned response with a comment or two added for effect! LOL What do I have to lose. I will make it subtle and well placed depending on the conversation. The last time he talked about separation I did just that. "Not what I want" followed by a "I'm happy the way things are" and suggesting that he take his time. It has held him off from filing for over 6 months and given him a chance to see the real behaviors of the ow.

Hopefully he'll cool down and realize that he's over-reacting to a simple visit that he had no right to be involved in. Apparently the ow's H contacted her many days after he got to town and asked her if she wanted to meet. She could have said no but she didn't. From what he said they met during the day while my h was at work and he claims that she was surprised but happy to see him. What's the big deal? H didn't have control of the situation so I'm to blame. What h doesn't know is that I didn't know that ow's h was meeting her either. He seems to be accepting the fact that his w is bonkers and isn't causing any trouble for either of them.

Our Anniversary is coming up shortly so maybe that has his knickers in a twist. I was actually going to give him a card (without the mushy stuff) but I think I'll cross that off my list of things to do. Why do they do these things around holidays? Must be the pain and guilt that they feel.

I have been watching the finances very closely. Nothing out of the ordinary yet and hopefully there won't be. Most of the money is still locked into long term investments. If he is angry enough, he won't care about that so I will continue to watch and take immediate action if I see anything out of the ordinary. I have an attorney that I use for other financial matters that will advise me if necessary.

I haven't found your most recent thread so I have no idea what's going on in your world. It must be buried pretty deep! HA! I had to dig to find my own thread.

I'll be back when I have more time to post my oldest daughter's reaction when she met the ow on her visit home during Christmas.