I agree with Karen. When folks get angry, especially after finding out about and affair, and attorneys get involved, things done in the name of protecting yourself can appear as 'acts of war' (examples are moving and controlling the other persons money). One act of war often begets another. Some can be hurtful, but are reparable. Exposing the affair is not one of them. It's permanent. It makes friends and family take sides, and not necessarily the side you hope and expect they will take.
Embarrassment and humiliation for your partner and maybe yourself hurts for a log time. Spare yourself. Give yourself every chance for change.
Like Karen says, step back. Let's some dust settle. Check in with experts, (like the coaches, or Michele's books). Get brainstorming advice from non-experts like vets here (remember they are not experts, but many are very wise).
Wishing you the very best,
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
