We are almost back home from our ski weekend. The boys had an absolute blast. S3 and S5 did a great job skiing on Saturday. My SIL and her best friends helped teach the boys since i can barely ski myself. It was only their second time ever on skis and they were so proud of themselves. S5 and I went tubing together this morning and laughed like crazy the entire time. We took S1 and S3 to a smaller tubing area after so they could join in the fun.
Even though I tried not to think about the sitch, this weekend was a bit tough. As I watched the boys, I realized that I am never going to get to share these moments with my h. While I sent a few pics, it is not the same as if we had both been there to witness them skiing. We will not be able to say "remember when..." because there will be no more joint memories. It breaks my heart. It is not the same to share the experiences with someone else. When we were driving back to our house after skiing, S5 said "I wish daddy was here. He would have been so proud of me.". I realized that my kids will often be left wishing that the other parent could be there to share experiences with. It makes me sad for everyone involved. Poor S1 did not even get to go on one family vacation. It makes me so angry at how selfish my H is. I tell myself that H is the one missing out but in reality we are all missing out on something.
H is coming over tonight since it is our normal family night. We have not see each other since our talk the other day. Except for sending a few pics of the kids, we have not texted/emailed either. It should be interesting to see how he acts. I will be sure to have my DBing smile on. I will definitely need to act "as if" since I have not even started to process what happened the other day.
