Excellent to hear! Congrats. The biking sounds awesome. Would love to get out and get lost in a place like that. We actually woke up to some snow on the ground here in the mid-south. A very rare circumstance.
Very good that you got offers to assist. Build your network. Good luck!
Me:45, W:45 S:16 D:13 M:22, T:25 Bomb: July 2010 Putting finances in order for "D" Continue to live in same home-separate rooms
A little rant and then I will come back and be nice later. My son turned 16 the week before I left but never connected with his dad until I left and dad stayed with him for the week. So after I got back my son told me, guess what dad got me for my birthday? Remember when he asked if he should renew the Xbox live membership? And remember when I emailed him back that my Xbox broke? And that he should not renew it? Well, he gave me a one-year Xbox live subscription for my birthday.
And then got mad at me. For not telling him about it.
So did he do anything different? I asked. My son said no he did not.
So, that's annoying. He also gave him a birthday card with a joke about farting. I can understand that a little bit, with the normal frat boy humor around our house, but really come on, it's his son's 16th birthday. One of them needs to grow up
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
So, H was not home when I got home at 7:30am on Sunday. I had to text him to find out where S16 was, since he wasn't home either, was on a sleepover. Just S13 asleep with the dogs. I don't plan to make an issue of it this time, but next time I leave H with the kids I will make sure that he plans on sleeping at the house, in case he didn't know that was a requirement.
He said he'd come by in the afternoon sometime.
Meanwhile, I had a few hours to visit with my out of town sister before her flight home, so I invited her and my other sister and my mom and dad for chili for lunch. Cleaned and cleaned and cleaned up the house. Then H got there....awkward. My dad doesn't really want to be around H, and I wouldn't have invited H, but he sat at the kitchen table and hung out. He got stuff all over the table I had just cleaned off for company, so I asked if he could please keep it neat since I'd just cleaned it, and he got defensive and said it's just my stuff right here that's all. He kept hanging around and then the doorbell rang, so I said, well, you wanna stay for lunch? So he did. I didn't know what else polite I could do. I warned my dad at the door, sorry, I didn't know H would be here...and he was ok with it. All through lunch, every single thing H said was a sarcastic joke. I did not like that. I felt sorry too, because he must feel awkward and ill at ease, and being a big funny guy is how he copes, but he had plenty of chance to leave, he didn't have to hang out with my family.
S16 didn't see my sister from out of town at all; we think he stayed away because his dad was over. S13 came down for a little bit.
I learned from S16 that when H arrived while I was out of town, H asked him again who threw the rock that gave him the concussion. S16 said he knew dad would just keep bugging him about it so he told him, and got the overreaction that was expected. Apparently H went to the house and talked to the mom and dad, and told them S16's friend was bullying S16 and said that he knew the kid was going to lie about it. This is at least the story that I got from S16. I haven't heard any more about it. S16 seemed both annoyed and resigned.
S13 gave S16 his Xbox so S16 could use his birthday present from his dad. S13 mostly uses his new gaming computer so he didn't mind and had felt bad for S16 getting something for his birthday that he couldn't use.
On the positive side, H is spoiling the dogs. He showed up with a big bag of dog treats and complained that they cost him $60. I have stopped buying dog treats because we're on the austerity plan (I still treat them, but with a handful of their normal dogfood). I texted H later that the dogs were enjoying the treats and thanks for buying them, and he said ur welcome.
I'm feeling good. Working out a lot to get my emotions out, really helps a lot, I feel healthy and productive. I'm busy with cleanup from the meeting but have a networking meeting set up and plan to apply for some jobs by this weekend and activate my network on LinkedIn. I'm still doing a good job at my job; I'm very happy with the path I ended up choosing. I feel like a winner whether they want me or not.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
On the flip side, I have a night out with music and dancing planned for Saturday, and my guitar group meeting Sunday. Wednesday we're hoping my S16 is cleared to play lacrosse; he's been improving every week. I'm reading 1000 White Women with my book club. Enjoying looking at the snow. Planning a trip to Ohiopyle in the spring and then a girls' beach weekend.
Listened to a Freakonomics podcast on internet dating and considered opening an eHarmony account some day, what I'd say about myself to give someone a good idea of who I am and what matters to me.
Also my high school is planning it's 30th reunion and I'll head west to see my two very best friends and a bunch of other people from my hometown. Fun stuff ahead.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
This just keeps on getting better and better! Today the slug brings in a bag of clothing because apparently one of the supervisors is going to do some sewing for him. I almost gagged on my coffee lol.
I'm feeling emotionally mixed up this week. I think the pressure of being positive all through my annual meeting has relaxed and the more accurate feelings are swirling around now as I wind things down and deal with the regular small insults of transitioning to the new management.
I shouldn't see them as insults but each little one smarts just a bit. I'll get through it, and I'll learn a lot, but it is a weird situation. On the bright side, some of the craziest parts have already been transitioned over...
I am trying to manage my emotions by conscientious exercise, but the extra layer of them is driving me to consume macaroni and cheese and fruit snacks and spoil my great progress in Weight Watchers. There's a bright side to that too. That I recognize what I'm doing and can try some other things (journaling) to see if the exercise needs a boost. Also on the bright side, I'm back at my "lifetime" weight so I don't have to pay anymore and even the macaroni and cheese hasn't *yet* gotten me outside that range. Close but I can turn it around.
More of the source of my turmoil is my s16's best friend, who practically lives at my house, his mom has left. I just found out, when I asked him how his mom was, hadn't heard from her in a long time. He said she was gone 20+ days in December (that sounds like something he might have repeated that maybe his dad said), he hardly sees her anymore, and she has an apartment nearby. I checked in with her, and she's moving into the apartment this coming week. I don't know where she's been staying. She's in incredible pain and says her kids won't speak to her.
This brings up a lot of painful memories for me. I think the physical moving out was the most painful of everything I've been through so far. It was like ripping the skin off my body. The empty spaces in the closet were devastating. The kids' pain was heartbreaking. I cannot even imagine being a feeling person on the moving-out side of that situation. I feel mostly for my son's friend, but he is stoic and says he's OK.
I wish I could have learned more to be helpful to them, but if I've learned anything it is not helpful. It is that people will do what they will do, they will justify anything, some marriages are cr*p and should not continue, and sometimes there are just no words that help. I can't very well comfort the H; I barely know him and there were a lot of problems in his M caused by him. I feel more loyalty to the W but I don't think she made the best choices all along the way either, and our lifestyles are too different to be very close. I feel the most loyalty to the kid and I don't even know how to ease his pain. When he first saw me after H left, he gave me a hug and said everything happens for a reason.
All I did was suggest to the W to keep reaching out to the kids, that I understood the horrible pain, and that I'd lend an ear if she needed to talk.
I can recall how I felt when my H moved out, and a person who did that much for him at that time (at THAT time) would have felt like a betrayal of me in my view.
I can remember how I cried with gratefulness at the one person who when I told the situation didn't give me a platitude but told me I was awesome, she loved me, no questions asked, no "who's fault was it," no "have compassion for H,"...just I love you and will always and I'll take you out for a beer. I could not do this for this W. I feel bad about that.
Other stuff. I feel like a bad mom because my S13 won't come out of his room. If I go to say hello he says "OK Bye." He wants nothing more than to play video games all night and sleep all day. And I've been so busy, it's kind of easier... It's a struggle. He doesn't want to do stuff with me, his friends are mostly online even the ones who might go outside with him are online. He's looking much better, says no one calls him fatty at school anymore. He commented to his psych that his anxiety had increased, and with the medication adjustment he says he feels much better, so I'm glad for that. I need to find him a better counselor but in this area good ones for kids are hard to find and have waiting lists. On the bright side, when he misses the schoolbus and I drive him to school he talks to me and he's a stitch! We communicate really well and enjoy each other.
S16 seems good, no complaints there. I just input the 1,000 events coming up for his lacrosse spring and summer schedule and paid the $900 summer select fee without looking at my bank account balance. It took a couple of hours of my Saturday to get all that stuff organized and make sure all his forms were in because tryouts start at 7am Monday. He was cleared from his concussion last Wednesday so he's been working out like a fiend to get back in condition.
I haven't seen or heard from H since I returned on 2/9 and he stayed for lunch. However, someone from his work left a vm on my home phone asking for help on a project - so I passed the msg on to him and asked him to correct his record with the company since this is not a number he can be reached at effectively. Then I got some mail for him from his company, and texted him that it was here and asked him to correct his address as well. He went from college to living with his mom, to living with me for the next 20 years. He has never had his own place, his own address, and now he's living out of someone's house like a 22-year-old again. But even when I was 22, I had my address registered with the post office. Whatever. What he does is not my concern, I just find it annoying to serve as his message center and I don't want to do it anymore.
So with all that, I notice that my usually positive personality is leaning toward complaining and negativity, and my general state if I'm not thinking about what or why, is near tears and distracted and edgy. Heck, I started to cry in the death scene at Rapunzel last night and could barely stop when he was miraculously revived. How embarrasing.
Of course on top of all that, I have to get my tax stuff to my accountant (late), work on my separation stuff (late also), and work on my finances again (dread). And clean my kitchen.
I know the answer. It is to pick one small thing and get it done and move on to the next. I'll feel better, and the grip of anxiety will start to relax. I think the emotions just need to be recognized and they'll dissipate. It'll get better.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
