separated 8 weeks still on the journey

[paul19510]

Paul, think about why you were angry re the driveway fiasco. Was it because your D was being disrespectful or was it because you thought W was once again going to blame you and you were "in trouble" with her.

When you can step back and observe these happenings, you'l be able to handle them in a very different way, I think. We are so often caught up in the emotion of the moment we can't see the forest for the trees.

Might you tell your W you won't be the 3rd leg of this particular drama triangle?

bug you have a gift. You hit the bulls eye again. I feel that issues with the kids are causing unwanted tension between me and W and I don't want it.

I do want my D to be respectful to anyone who comes here (especially family and friends). All I wish she would have done was to Say "hi Mom" and then gone about her business. It is rude IMHO to come outside not acknowledge someone who is here and continue about your business as though they are invisible.

But as my friend pointed out last night, W is also acting in that manner and creating a distant tense situation by sitting outside. My friend has been divorced and knows this stuff well. She's done her inner work.

She reminded me that if D13 wasn't ready and W is complaining about kids being distant, why not see this as an opportunity to come in and say hello to the other 2 kids instead of sitting in the driveway like a stranger and keeping the motor running....

She reminded me that it is up to W and me to LEAD OUR FAMILY and act in a manner that teaches our kids positive things.

Friend also remarked that a 16 YO girl who has seen her mom leave and seen the pain it caused is very likely feeling protective of me and her siblings. Acting almost as a "little momma bear" against someone whom she feels caused this pain. But she also reminded me that this is for W and D16 to work through. I can only remind D16 to be respectful to us as parents while doing so. Agree??