separated 8 weeks still on the journey

[paul19510]

Paul, glad you had someone to talk to. If you are having a tough day, yes, make sure you keep up your GAL, but remember that sometimes taking care of yourself also means honoring your feelings, even if they aren't that fun to experience. Make sure you are not stuffing them, OK?

hi M! thanks for checking in. For some reason I am cycling back through a period of anxiety about this situation. I'm not sure what prompted it. W and I have begun to have more contact. Most of it is logistics. Some has been R talk as noted in posts from the past few days.

I have a sense today of being a burden to those around me. I feel that I let my situation get the best of me. do you ever get these feelings...?

I texted W last evening and told her that I'd appreciate her coming into the house when warranted (waiting for a late kid for 15 minutes in the driveway is not where I'd like us to be , dropping something off, etc.) I know she "heard me". She entered the house this morning to drop off D13 and with a large heavy trophy that D13 got at the banquet for her equestrian accomplishments. I was at the top of the steps and simply wished her a good day as she left.

I texted my friend and his W (the woman I talked to for a long time last evening) and thanked them both for their compassion and generosity in allowing me to talk out the dark place I was in last evening. I feel that I need to push forward today and shake off the weight of this situation.

no one texted me back, and I felt self conscious about it. I'm just in a strange place today. my friend's W reminded me of that very fact last night. She said have no expectations even with friends about hearing back and don't be self conscious. People have their own lives and not texting back right away is not indicative of anything.

She reminded me that this is perhaps a byproduct of my situation in having been set aside for so long (in a sense emotionally abandoned). She also reminded me to be strong. Continuing to press on with wanting an answer to texts or questions is not productive and may cause the very thing I fear (people backing away). She reminded me to move along with confidence and know that people heard me. Appearing needy with any relationship (friends, family, intimate) is not attractive. People want someone around who offers something positive to a R of any kind. I will concentrate on that today.

Just keep swimming. I think its just my mind playing tricks on me, but I have a gut instinct or feeling that my situation is about to change in some significant way. I just don't know how. This is making me anxious.

ps. as a side note, while I was typing this my friend texted me back and said he's been sleeping, but was grateful me and his W had a chance to talk it out. he reminded me to stay strong