Thank you so much. I can believe a total stranger could be this supportive of my situation. I hope I can return the favor by helping another family in the future. I don't trust this family. Very crafty and think divorce is just a joke. I'm calm and working on the best possible option to be there for my daughter. I'll talking to a DB coach on Monday. I've also called me lawyer to give me good referral. I'm wide awake and can clearly see what's coming at me if this marriage failed. She's talking me to the cleaner. She's cold and heartless. She probably will wipe me out. I plan on getting a good lawyer. Can you believe her family will not even call me to say sorry for my loss. Instead she told them not to pick my phone call. I hope all this will be over soon. Once thank you so much for being there for me. I'm not giving up but preparing for a battle if she bring one.
You are welcome...Believe it or not, I was once lost just like you. Seems like an eternity ago at this point, but today I look back at that person and chuckle....He was a wreak!!!!
Stop worrying about the future, the cleaners, the in-laws, and what you think is gonna happen. Life has a funny way of making what we think is going to happen not happen.....
One secret in life is learning that you only control yourself....nothing else. The key to knowledge is making the things you control important and making the things you don't control....less important. Think about that one over dinner and enjoy it.....I have to head out to work.
She asked me last week how she should file. she wants to know if she should file using adulterer or irreconcilable differences. W said she was afraid I'll get my lawyer to fight her. I told even though am not ready to talk about the end of my marriage, but she need to do the right thing regarding filling. I'm not sure if this part of her game to keep me quiet because of me finally finding the truth about her physical affair with OM. Or just looking for easy way out.
I'm giving up early. This's just too much. The level of dishonesty and disrespect is to much for me take. I'm not sure I can hang on anymore. Stopping me from Talking to my daughter because W was with OM is the new low. I think am done. I've to give myself some respect here. This woman is making a foul of me in front of friends and family. I'm tired.
Are you a fool? Honestly...Are you a fool? Who cares what other people think....In reality the only person who probably thinks you are a fool is yourself!!! So I ask again...are you a fool?
What I also think you are completely missing....Is that DB techniques are for you and the extremely slim possibility of saving your marriage. I can guarantee you....that if you stop DB'ing now...in the state you are in....It will cost you a lot more in the long run than DB'ing will cost you right now!!!!
Level of dishonesty and disrespect....She lives in another state and has been honest she is having an affair. The problem isn't her behavior, it is how you are reacting to it and taking as a personal affront to you. If you were shutting her out....Keeping things purely about you and your daughter then there wouldn't be any dishonesty or disrespect....But from your last post I get the feeling you talked with the wife again.
Are you done? Really done? I thought you were going to stick it out for a while......See Lost, I am a goal oriented type guy. To quit now just because things are tough....Now that would be disrespectful to myself if I was in your shoes....and also tell me how weak of a man I am. Now that is me....maybe you are just different.
Remember I told you about the business side of things....Well here is a good example. You need DB'ing techniques to deal with the business side of things. Did you make a log of what date, time, phone called from, phone call to, and that your call to your daughter was rejected because (including a comment/brief conversation synopsis) the wife was with the OM. You need to be calm and get this stuff documented clearly. If your wife clearly stated that you could not talk with your daughter because she (wife) was talking to or with the OM....That is wrong!!! You need to documentation to back that up. If nothing else...continue to DB so that we can help you be calm in dealing with this situation.
As for my EX....I threw her out 1.5 years ago. Remember I said there is only a slim chance of saving the marriage....Slim. That said, I would not change what I did or DB'ing at all. DB'ing helped me change so much about myself that I no longer can bear to remember the weak a@@ man I was.....Your world is how you perceive it, How you live it, Your values, Your Principles, and Your integrity. Through DB'ing you will get to place were you TRULY control those things again. Right now you do not....Your wife is controlling them.
It takes pain, hard work, and a lot of other stuff to get through this....You can take the easy road and pay for it the rest of your life....Or you can do the work and reap the rewards!!! The choice is yours....Yours alone!
I lost everything fighting for this woman. My carrier, my sanity, driver license. My child growing up with his parent. I'm just a train wreck. I'm done. She's in the hospital taking care of OM while I'm home suffering. Fancy dinner didn't do it for me last night. She stopped me from talking to my daughter because she was introducing OM to her friends.
I know I messed up not following the rules. She even the nerve to tell me she's with OM. I know am a little soft, weak. But nobody should go through this. I'm sick and tired of the lies. She bored now to tell me what they doing.
You are still very angry and hurt. You have right to be. You are getting some very good advice from Lostforwords. I have read your sitch and have some comments as well as a few questions.
First, just wondering what nationality are you? I am Puerto Rican myself.
What nationality is your W?
How far is your W and D from YOU now?
How often do you get to see YOUR D?
And my big question…
What kinds of hobbies do you have?
As for my comments…..
You have posted a few times that your W is not “respecting” you. First, how do you define respect? Secondly, do you need someone to respect YOU in order for YOU to respect YOURSELF?
If you want to quit the M now - that is YOUR choice. No one here can make that choice for YOU. I will tell you, that IMO, if YOU quit now, you will regret it later. Why? Because if she ever does come around and considers BEGGING for your FORGIVNESS, she may decide against it, since you would have bailed on her. Now, I am not saying to promote her affair or act like everything is fine. Nope. Right now, she is having an affair and believe it or not disrespecting HERSELF moreso that you. She is on a high and the only person that can stop that high is HER. So my advice, go work out, find some stuff to do that is FUN for YOU. If I recall, on your very first post your wife said to you to “Go GET A LIFE”. Well dude, I say take her up on the offer. Get a life, go enjoy yourself. Find things to do that do not involve dating another women. Find a men’s support group. Try looking up MEETUP groups. Try posting more. Go to the GYM. Sign up for dance classes. Sitting home and being pissed off at your W and OM is NOT going to HELP YOU.
Also, personally I would not answer her phone calls. If she calls I would respond back with a text that says…”What is it?”. No more, no less. If it is to speak to your daughter, you can dial the number back and hand the phone to your D. When your D is done, I would hang up. Seriously, anything that she needs to tell you can be communicated in email and or text. What you are doing is creating space for YOURSELF…space between her craziness and YOU. This will enable YOU to HEAL and to think rationally.
As for the business side of things - go see a L and find out your rights. NOW.
Chin up dude - it will get better. You may not feel that right now…but it will get better.
I am watching a movie with my daughter right now and will check on you later.
Peace, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
