How to patch things back in R after affair ended

[2ndTimeHurt]

Hey grey

I have time for just a quick post. I haven't read your whole backstory, so I'm not quite sure what kind of troubles you're having communicating with your h. I would recommend the "men are from mars..." book. Some people don't like it but I found it very useful.

I'll check back when I have more time. I think it's time for bed.

Hang in there!

[labug]

Book How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It

[2ndTimeHurt]

Thanks labug, I was trying to remember the title of that book a while ago.

[GreyMatter]

Oh thanks guys, I know its possible. but I'm a reader and a doer. If I can do it on my own even better. I acknowledge that not everyone is like me and don't care much for changing my H. He never has been me nor to I want him to be. One a month I remember the little bit of emotion that is thrown at me and get a litte upset/frustrated.

I'm having fun w H now with sometimes little butterflies. Its kind of cute. I still refuse to put my rings back on cause I'll wait for him to ask. He has never take his off. We are sharing the bed fully now and I lent over to kiss his cheek last night to say good night and he turned to kiss me but realised half way it was meant for his cheek. It was cute and funny and the first kiss (kind of) we have shared out in the open. On times that we are intimate its like we are making it a little secret and its our little game. But the effection is spreading to hugs, arm rubs and now a haphazard kiss.

Just let it happen and don't over think it.

[GreyMatter]

ordering that book! cant wait. 5 books in 4 months - I'm on fire! these behavioral sciences blow my mind.

[GreyMatter]

journal: things are going great. tonight H spoke about 'the next 5 years' planning to do renovations!!! you kidding me? so surprised I can still see myself on the floor now - lol

[paul19510]

journal: things are going great. tonight H spoke about 'the next 5 years' planning to do renovations!!! you kidding me? so surprised I can still see myself on the floor now - lol

hi grey. Wonderful.news

[GreyMatter]

obviously fell over in shock lol
He complimented me on dinner too, which is something that never happens. actually its something whilst in his angry period and the BD hadn't happened yet that he was almost cruel about. the 'quality' of meal. I can see this wasn't him now but gosh at the time it killed. I read on someones post it is still fragile right now as they will still be quite confused but he does seem pretty 100% about everything.

I secretly got him tickets to a concert for his birthday next week which I know he will lose his mind. This is something that I used to do in the beginning. Spend money on him and turn up with surprises. he loves being spoilt. I hope it all goes to plan...

[GreyMatter]

just posting from another thread so I look back on this

gosh learn to piece properly?? what do you mean by that?
I need to learn these things.... trying to absorb as much about piecing as possible! please elaborate!

There's a bunch of things specific to my situation(find out what is specific to your situation and work on those!!) but there are some general things that I did not do. I thought I was being patient but I was not. After a few months I just assumed we were as strong as ever. The way I see it now, our r was on very fragile ground and I didn't treat it like that. I thought I wasn't rushing things but looking back I did.

One huge mistake I did was I focused all my energy on how to fix us. I tried so hard to fix how to communicate. That's a huge mistake. I shouldve focused on everything or at least on other things. My ex wanted to live the relationship and not talk about it. I was confused by that at the time. I easily could've continued learning or reading on the side but instead I became a bit resentful because I thought she didn't want to try. I could've just enjoyed the relationship like she suggested and worked by myself on the side.

thanks 2TH xx

[GreyMatter]

thanks for dropping in Paul :-)