Maybe Piecing ... But Now I am The Unhappy One

[Mimi00]

I don't recall your previous threads off the top of my head, but did you ever begin GALing (picking up hobbies and other things you like to do?), if so do you still continue those things now? If now, you need to GAL and do things that give you confidence and make you feel good.... b/c you're not going to get that from your H at this point and the resentment is only going to grow.

You are responsible for you being happy, you have to remove that expectation from your H. His actions or lack their of shouldn't have that kind of power. So try to take the focus of what he's doing or not doing. He should just be the cherry on top of whatever happiness you already have.... so what can you start doing to start building yourself and your own happiness up?

You can also continue to try to save the marriage own your own, books like DB and other are out there to help with that.

Why is it that he's in "control" of ML, showing affection etc???
Have you tried to make love in the past and been rejected? Or do you wait for him to initiate, thus giving him the "control"?

I don't know your life, but if I were you, I would buy a few fancy new night gowns and start wearing them to bed with no expectations. Do it for you and see if your H starts to wonder why or even starts to want to be a little closer (if he does ask, just tell him you needed some new things and it makes you feel good) As far as affection, there can be times where you touch him gently, naturally, as you're walking past him in the house, or in conversation touch his leg. Or for example while watching TV choose to sit near him instead of on the other side of the sofa. These changes from you, though subtle and not obvious, may cause him to touch more/be more affectionate b/c this is the environment you have created w/ out expectations. So you do have some options IMO (unless he has told you never to touch him etc...?????)

At some point, after a few weeks if there is no progress, you will have to change your approach, and have a discussion with your H about counseling or attending a program like Retrouvaille, and let him know you can't continue in the marriage the way it is...so that is what you need for you both to take the next step in improving life together and not just existing.

But changes starts with you. We can't control our spouses, we can only change ourselves to be better with or with out them.