She wants nothing to do with me anymore. She's already announcing the news to all her friends. She said she only want to be my friend a week ago, But that's of the table now. Looking at wedding picture around the house bother me a lot. Any advice on how to go about this?
She wants nothing to do with me anymore. She's already announcing the news to all her friends. She said she only want to be my friend a week ago, But that's of the table now. Looking at wedding picture around the house bother me a lot. Any advice on how to go about this?
I am so, so sorry for your pain. I hope you will take the advice to consult a DB coach b/c they are trained to guide you through this terrible time. Also, read Divorce Remdy by Michele Warner Davis. In addition, there is a lot of her advice on youtube.
I don't know if your M can survive what your W is doing. You cannot make her love you if she chooses otherwise. And I think once you can clear your head a little, you will realize you want and deserve to have a wife that loves you. She may not be that person. But that is not for anyone to decide but you.
I would encourage you to find out your rights as a father in the state where you live, and where she lives (if different). This does not mean you are filing for a divorce. But whatever your W does or doesn't do, you will want full rights to your child. Know your options. Be prepared by getting information. Protect yourself and your child.
It is extremely difficult to maintain a healthy MR when it is long distant.........and when it is over a long period of time. A couple has to spend time together and nourish the M. Even with you being as supportive as you were throughout the trying times, she was still unfaithful. You may never know when she started to slide over that line on some emotional level, before she ever cheated physically. But now she has, and she has told you flat out that she will not stop having sex with the OM.......until the A runs it's course?
Okay, so let me pick up at that point. If a woman is a WAW who is having an affair thinks her H is hanging around "waiting" until the A is over..........she will not be attracted to him b/c she won't respect him as a man. For a woman, she has to first respect you as man before she can be sexually attracted to you. Now, in affairs, it gets all messed up. She s acting out of something else, but it feels good and she doesn't want that good feeling to stop. She gets addicted really fast and then she will sacrifice her M just to be with that good feeling.
So, this is not the same girl you fell in love with and married. She has changed. Maybe some day the two of you will find your way back together, but if so, it will not be with you crying and begging her not to leave you. Understand? Acting clingy and needy is not attractive on any man, and it will not.........WILL NOT warm her heart or cause her to end her affair!
So first thing you have to do is step back and then leave her alone. Don't contact her Nd don't be available to her.
Btw, if you talk to a DB coach, be sure you tell them that she refused to end the A.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Listen to what Sandi says...it is some of the top advice you will get on here. Make an appointment with a DB coach....
Reading your initial post...there is a lot of work that needs to be done.....By you. For right now I suggest:
1- Stop the drinking....nobody can help you if you are drunk.
2- Get the DB session set up (and read the books)
3- Stop calling/texting/emailing your wife.....Right now you are not in a place to do those things. Let's get you calmed down and in a better place.
4- Don't look for quick answers and solutions....nothing is quick here and when things start moving fast...Well let's say that is a bad thing.
Remember you are not alone...We have all gone through the same stuff you are. The world will not end because of it.
Today we start finding YOU lost....I know that doesn't make sense, but make a goal to have that statement make sense to you eventually. It will take awhile and not be easy, but make that commitment to yourself.
Thanks a lot for the advice. I already order my book and looking forward to reading it. I'll also be talking to someone next week regarding all this. My three yrs old reside with her and love to talk to her daddy in the evenings How do I go about this? Without not talking to her. I know my situation is difficult and a lot of work need to be done before anything can be fix here. Do you think we have any hope? She planned on moving in 4month to start work in another state. We initially plan on moving together but I honestly think all hope is lost now regarding moving together. It kills me that the wife I brag to everyone slept with another man multiple times. I need some advice before this book get here.
She already called me twice today. I did not pick the phone but sent her text. I know her friend and family are advising her just to be there for me. I don't want that from her. After all she did without apology and think she could be part of my support system. I also think she's trying to get my daughter to talk to my early so she hang out with OM without any interruption tonight. This woman is sick and need help. I know I can't help her but only God and some intense therapy section. OM is 25yrs old and she's 33yrs. But OM control and tell her what to do. OM even told her not to speak to me again or do anything with me. I know she want this guy around for some selfish reason. She's also lying to him and reassuring him there's nothing between her and me anymore. She made a crazy comment last night. "I turn nothing to something" This guy live in a apartment with three other room mate. I don't see any future there but complete distraction and failure. But before I go to far, she's know for spending money in the past for the wrong men. She was engaged once and spend all her money on the guy, including buying her own engagement ring. I was the only man that was good to her and gave everything. Her dad told me she has history of going after the wrong guys and fall apart later. I know I'm in-love but I can clearly still use my good judgement that this woman clearly need help. Who does this to the father of her child. I've provided everything for her, in fact the finest thing in life. I blame myself for putting her up so high because of her beauty. She asked my hand in marriage but also want to end it after 8yrs. Out anniversary is coming up next month. I don't know if should do anything or even call her. She probably already file D before then. She's been pressured by OM and some of her family. They figure what she did is so bad and there's no way to save the marriage because of trust.
She called me again. I feel disgusted talking her. For her not to have any Shame and act like nothing happened. She's trying to turn me to her friend. She even told my sister that she only want to be my friend for now. And can't give me what she can't commit to. She plan on sleeping around for 4month before doing anything about out marriage.
First, let's discuss the difference between placing two calls to the same phone number with different goals. Now a call to your daughter where you are clear to the person answering that you want to talk with your daughter, were you you keeps things about your daughter, and you don't discuss the relationship, om, or anything beyond your daughter....Those are calls to your daughter.
Second...Calls that revolve around anything other than your daughter....Those need to stop. As Sandy said....a begging, pleading, crying man is NOT attractive. Right now conversations about the relationship are useless until the OM is out of the picture. You also have zero control in how long he stays in the picture or when he leaves the picture. So stop hyperfocusing on him. We don't want to hear what a scumbag he is, because we know. What you have to know is that until he is out of the picture....you marriage is done. Second, is that there is no way you can push him out of the picture.
The real end goal of everything is to become the man only a fool would leave. By focusing on how messed up your wife is or how bad the OM is.....that doesn't help YOU.
You define what you can forgive and what you can't....That you control and no one else.
In the long run you might up only being her friend, but that is important to your daughter. You do need to get to a place where she can at least see you as a friend.....and right now you are not in a place to be a friend or spouse....Let's get you there.
Wow! I'm glad to have you here. I'm following all The step from sandi2 and also looking forward to my book next week. She's has called me multiple times today because I was out of town to finally pick the car her and OM got me to buy without knowing. She was very pleasant when I finally pick up the phone. I question everything about her, the trust is lost. I think her intentions are so wrong a young child can see it. I love this woman but don't know how much I can take at this point. I'm going cold on her from Next week. No conversation or any excuse about my daughter misses me. I figure this's good for my own sanity. I only pick up the phone this morning because of my daughter. She find away to shift the conversation to another topic. I ignore a calls multiple times before finally picking up.
