Limbo is the new normal

[slow_it_down]

Thanks Confluences, I found a few in my area. I'll have to look through to see if I can find one that suits my schedule. Thank you so much for your responses over the past few months. Knowing that someone out there was reading and offering support has been really helpful in getting through these up and downs.

It turns out I was 'wrong' to some degree about the gal in the car. However, I had a big 'aha' moment today and I just wanted to share it.

I went to confession today at church to get myself clear of some of the negativity I've been swirling in so I can start putting one foot in front of the other in getting myself back on track with my own goals. In talking to the priest he offered some advice pertaining to visitation. Saying that I should make my H visit the baby here at my house and if my H wants to take the baby away he can go through the courts to be able to do so. It occurred to me that I've been so busy trying to 'keep the peace' and be 'agreeable' that I've not been putting the baby's needs above all else.

I've been really nervous about my H having the baby alone for long periods of time because of how little experience he's had taking care of him. I decided to talk to him about only visiting the baby here at my place for the time being. I even worked out a way for him to see the baby when my mom is here if he would prefer not to see me while visiting. Then, when he brought the baby back tonight I about had a heart attack to see the baby was riding in a forward facing car seat ( a huge no-no for a 5 month old baby). It confirmed that I should be doing more to look out for my little guy's well being while still being supportive of his dad visiting him.

My H wasn't pleased to hear that I wanted him to visit the baby here. However, after researching custody rules I'm finding that in many cases fathers only take babies for a few hours at a time and only overnight when they are a year or two old. I also read that courts take into account how much experience a father has with an infant and how much care they were taking of the child before separation before making visitation agreements.

My point is, I was so busy trying to draw up visitation plans that were 'fair' to my H and I when I should have been considering what was the safest and best for our son. I told my H he is welcome to see our son as much as he wants, he just has to see him here until he gains some more experience caring for him. If I have to go to court I'm ok with that.

And as an aside, he said he'd be happy to bring in all kinds of materials to prove I'm bi-polar to the courts. I replied that I could understand why he'd be frustrated but that I was just doing what I thought was best for our son while he is so young. Of course I'm a bit partial, but I think any reasonable court would see that I've successfully gotten my older kids through their childhood years just fine.