Blues- I have wondered about MLC. I just read Wonka's description on your thread and A LOT of that sounds like my H. But then you factor in the drinking so I don't know.
I told people I was separated for the first time today. Close friends and family have known what is going on but since he is in the house I have been able to c avoid the word.
I had a meeting at s school and they asked if there was anything at home that might affect school. I simply said " h and I are separated and s is having a hard time with seeing dad less." no more details needed. I got momentarily teary but it was ok.
Me 44 H 42 M 10 T 12 (at time of BD) Ss 20 16 S11 (special needs)
BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom 10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied S and I move out 3/15
Oh Julie!! Isn't it funny how we say 'we're separated' in our heads and it seems ok, but when we announce it to someone out loud, the tears just flow?? I feel for you and S. You're a great mom. Keep it up!
Me:33 H:35 M: 12 years D-15 S-6 Bomb: 6-2013 OW: 11/2013 Kids and I moved out: 11/2013 when he continued to lie about affair Kids and I moved back in 12/2013 H moved out 2/2014
I need some advice on the finance talk. I have attempted several times to ask H to set up a time to do that and he will not. He also ignores all messages/texts that I send legging him know account is almost empty so I have to keep going behind and transferring $ from now empty saving.
We still have joint account but I opened a separate checking last week. My plan is to contribute 1/2 of shared expenses to joint (rent utilities insurance expenses for s)
Does this seem reasonable?
How do I tell him without setting him off. Especially when he will not talk to me.
Me 44 H 42 M 10 T 12 (at time of BD) Ss 20 16 S11 (special needs)
BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom 10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied S and I move out 3/15
Julie, this is tough. Your H is still very angry and it's easy to set him off. Can you send him an email? That way it's nonconfrontational, he can't walk away from you, and you have it in writing. And then act on it anyway if there's no reply b/c you have to protect yourself financially.
Me:33 H:35 M: 12 years D-15 S-6 Bomb: 6-2013 OW: 11/2013 Kids and I moved out: 11/2013 when he continued to lie about affair Kids and I moved back in 12/2013 H moved out 2/2014
((( ))) Why are you going to try and talk with him?
I think you need some legal advice. What your proposing sounds reasonable to me but it may not be the best legal move. I don't know.
And who knows how your H will see it.
Is there a place in your town that provides free legal advice for women? Did you ever check out the online support groups for alcohol problems. They might be able to steer you to some pro bono or low cost options. Do you have family who can help you to at least get a consult with a L?
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Labug you have said several times just don't talk to him and I need to be just whopped over the head because I keep regressing.
For years H and I have worked every other Sunday. He works 2 Saturday I work 3 and we have a sitter for the one weekend day we both work. Same schedule for years. Tonight he looks at the schedule and says I can't do next weekend I am working. Then he tells me " his rotation is changing and oh well that I made my schedule for the next 8 weeks around his schedule I better just figure it out. "
When I say we can't afford a babysitter 4 extrs days a month he says I only care about money and I am such a Jew. So now he id an evil bigot.
Then he says that he knows someone who can watch s- the other woman. I freak out, he denies any inappropriate relationships and then spews his entire WAS you are so evil I have always hated you crap script.
I finally took off my rings. I don't want to be married to someone who shows such hatred ti ne, my family, and my heritage.
Me 44 H 42 M 10 T 12 (at time of BD) Ss 20 16 S11 (special needs)
BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom 10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied S and I move out 3/15
Oh, Julie. I have no idea how you are staying so strong through this. Have you asked your H, as 3bm did, why he doesn't just get on with it and file for D?
I am sorry you had to share the news of S. I also have trouble saying the words out loud, and can't get them out without tears either. Even when I am feeling strong, as soon as it comes to that, I lose it. Blech.
I do think it's good that your S's school knows, though. I know I didn't enjoy giving the news to my kids' teachers at all, but it's important for them to know in case anything comes up at school.
I wish I could give you advice about the $$ stuff . . . but all I've got are hugs.
(((Julie)))
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
Thanks for the support Melissa. I did ask tonight why he doesn't move out if he is so unhappy. He said he will. .. eventually. I did tell him I wanted a financial arrangement worked out by end of month so we'll see what happens.
Me 44 H 42 M 10 T 12 (at time of BD) Ss 20 16 S11 (special needs)
BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom 10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied S and I move out 3/15
H apologized for how he acted last night. That is how it always used to go but this is first apology in months. He also switched his work schedule back to old schedule and said he didn't realize sticking to a schedule was a big deal
Me 44 H 42 M 10 T 12 (at time of BD) Ss 20 16 S11 (special needs)
BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom 10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied S and I move out 3/15
