This, That and The Other

[labug]

Great thoughts, ladies. Much to ponder.

Wonka, I think you might have me confused with someone else. or at least what I said.

This is what I said on Bluesgirl's thread: it's within reason that you set a boundary that says, "I can't be with you if you don't get treatment."

Depression like addiction, affects the whole family. Recognizing that and protecting ourselves with boundaries is a step in our healing process.

Divorce may follow that if the verbal/emotional abuse and the inability to seek help continues.

It does not show unconditional love. The spouses do NOT choose depression. They don't go to the local store to buy liquor nor seek a dealer to get street drugs. A huge difference right there.

I didn't mean to imply don't love them. It takes a lot of love (and courage) to set and enforce boundaries. Not setting boundaries and allowing people to abuse us doesn't show love either for self or the other.

I've come to learn, via the school of hard knocks, that if I don't first love and respect myself, I can't really love or respect anyone. All I did was pile on resentment on resentment.

One needs to separate the condition (cancer, depression, etc.) from behaviors. Rude and disrespectful behaviors do need to be nipped in the bud irrespective of the person's situation. Which is why I urge the LBS in their posts not to tolerate such rude behavior out of fear. See the difference?

Do I see the difference? Maybe.
And yes, I think I agree but depression often comes with disrespectful, sometimes abusive behavior and is often very treatable. I guess my question is, what boundary would you have had BG set? How would you have worded it?

A spouse can't determine if it's situational depression associated with a life crisis or if it's going to be clinical depression. At the outset they look very similar. I think limits are important from the outset and can include getting treatment.

we need some amaretto and scotch