I'm sorry you find yourself here, but keep posting. Get the book, and read it....then read it again. Read the 37 rules a few times....let them sink in. Read other stories here...you can get advice about your sitch just by finding similar ones.
I totally agree with Acc...great advice there. I think his #5 is really important. You're not going to fix any of the problems in the M right now. The focus has to be ending contact with OM, rebuilding trust, and healing. At that point, you could start working thru things and addressing issues.
The problem here is that it takes a leap of faith from your W. She has to trust that you will change, that you can forgive, and things will be different. While in the middle of an PA, that's a pretty tough leap. Make no mistake....an affair is an addiction, and it's just as difficult to break as any addiction.
This is a tough deal man...I've been there. My W did the whole back and forth thing as long as she could....she'd even get me back right now if I'd allow it, but not without cutting contact with OM. I think the fact that OM is pushing her may give you an edge in this case. So don't push...don't apply pressure to her in any way. Give her space. Start working on you.
Seriously....you can't fix your M, you can't fix her...you can only fix YOU, so put your focus there.
There's an awful lot of info you're going to have to learn and absorb, so I'll try not to bombard you with too much right now. But think of this....in order to love you, your W has to respect you. Anything that you do that appears weak (begging for instance), is going to push her away from you. You have to find yourself again....find your confidence, be the man only a fool would leave.
