I apologize for not checking in on the forums more. In some ways nothing has changed and in other ways a lot has changed. First, how things haven't changed:
As far as my W, she doesn't call and almost never emails. She has only stopped by the house twice since the holidays and both were short visits. On one visit she did bring up our relationship, but it is clear she is very far from being better.
On that visit, she came in to the house, sat down on the floor, and started petting the cat. After a few minutes she just started crying. I asked her why she was crying, but she didn't answer. After several minutes of saying nothing, she started talking. She asked me if I no longer want her to visit. She said I must hate her. I told her I care about her. She said I was doing better without her. I told her it was just my new normal. She said I was nothing like the person I am now.
She said she couldn't take things any more and that is why she left. She then went on to list all her complaints and examples of same. I listened and did not defend. I did say how I felt about some things. I said I thought our problems were normal problems. That if she had said things needed to change or she would leave I would have done everything I did last year, without the need for separation and divorce.
I asked her if she was happy now. She said no. I asked her why if I was the cause and she is on her own. She didn't answer. I suggested it was because she was unhappy about something else, something bigger. She asked what that was. I replied that I hoped she knew and was talking to someone.
She then talked about how she sees other women treat their husbands like crap and the husbands still treat them like princesses. I said what she is not seeing is when the husbands respond. Or that things will blow up one day. She said she is a b%^&* and won't tolerate anything anymore. She asked is that someone I want to be with. I said no. I said no one would. She said if she wanted to sleep in a different room and never have sex that I should be okay with that. I said I wasn’t. She added that she didn't think she should ever have to cook and I could do everything for myself. I said I am not interested in a roommate. I wanted a relationship. I said anyone in a relationship would want those things. She said maybe she is just better off alone.
She then said she hated all men. I pointed out I am a man. She then said we were bad for each other. That she didn't want to have this “argument” anymore. I said we were talking and sharing. She said she couldn't take the risk (moving back in). I said she was not the only one taking a risk.
She then mentioned a recent episode of the TV series, How I Met Your Mother. In it, one of the couples was having an argument and the husband brought up how she left him years ago. The wife in the show was upset and thought they had gotten past it. My W said that I would do the same thing. I told her I am not like that. She then tried to provide an example of me bring up the past (the irony was lost on her).
She said her therapist is encouraging her to find a job elsewhere and move out of town. I can’t believe she doesn’t see how that won’t solve her problems because her unhappiness will follow her.
After more examples of how I am a bad person, she abruptly got up and left.
