Limbo is the new normal

[slow_it_down]

Well that answers that question. My H just rolled into my driveway with a woman in the car to pick up our 5 month old son for his 2nd day of visitation with him. Nice. I told him what, 5 days ago that this wasn't going to work out because he doesn't seem to want our relationship and there is already another women in his passenger seat. I wish I could say I'm surprised. Hurt, but not surprised.

He says its a 'very good friend' to help him with the baby. He took a long pause and didn't reply when I asked if this was the gal he was seeing over the summer. I know I shouldn't have asked who she was, but I did.

I have been beating myself up for 5 months wondering why he didn't want to come home to me every night. Wondering what was so wrong with me. I tried and tried to push down my concerns whenever red flags popped up that hinted that maybe something else was going on. I had suspicions when he wanted to take the baby to work with him alone, when he had somewhere else he wanted to be on his birthday night. I berated myself for not just cutting him slack and for assuming the worst each time I had those gut feelings.

I feel like I was just flattened with a truck, but I want to leave you all with a good ending before I take a break from this forum to figure out what to do next.

Last night my son graduated from karate and we had cupcakes at my house. My ex husband, his new wife and baby were over enjoying a treat with my family. My ex had cheated on me, gotten another women pregnant TWICE and things ended pretty spectacularly. He dated his current wife behind my back and when I found out about her we were pretty ugly to each other.

Fast forward 10 years and here we are all in one room enjoying each others company trading stories about the recent cruise my x and his wife went on. His wife even visited me in the hospital and brought me a gift when my son was born. We aren't 'friends' but we exchange gifts at holidays and talk like friends would. My point is this, it took a few years to get to this place but there is healing in any relationship.

It looks like I wasn't able to save my marriage, but I hope you are able to save yours. Stay strong and God Bless -

Best,
Slow It Down