This happened and it went well both from my wife and my parents, i think we were both glad to have cleared that up.
Awesome, good job on taking control of that and making things better
Quote:
I validated her feelings well which seemed to diffuse the situation.
Good, that's really the best you can hope for. You're not reconciling, you're just removing stress and pressure which paves the way to reconciling later. It's like taking down a wall one pebble at a time, celebrate the pebbles even if the wall is still standing
Quote:
She had told me at lunch on Sunday upstairs that she was going to start looking for somewhere to rent, i replied that if that is what she wants to do i wont stop her or try to talk her into staying.
Great response, you're becoming a Jedi DB Master!
Quote:
She used this later on in our conversation (that evening) to say that its the only option as due to my earlier comments that clearly i have given up too.
That's just a temperature check, be careful how you respond to these. You don't want her to think you're sitting around waiting for her. A good response might be "I haven't given up by any means, but I think we both need time and space to think things through."
Quote:
Maybe i didnt do too well from there as i replied that i have not and will not ever give up on fighting for our marriage and future.
I hope HWA doesn't mind me sharing this, but he told his W something similar. Then a while later she found his profile on a dating site. Her reaction was that he was being a hypocrite. Don't ever tell a WAS you're waiting and/ or fighting for the M. And definitely don't tell them absolutes like you'll "never give up". When you say things like that they'll think "OK, he's still plan B then. I'll pursue my fantasies and if it doesn't work out then it's fine because he'll still be waiting." And if you ever do something that contradicts that (like posting on a dating web site) then they'll be all over you like stink on poop. Besides, who wants to be plan B? Who wants to "never give up" on a spouse that doesn't even love them and is talking about moving out? Aren't you worth more than that? I'm not saying to give up on her, but I am saying you need to quit being a "sure thing" for her.
Quote:
She indicated that she has seen the changes in me over the last 8 months and how difficult it must have been for me to live with her and her mood swings and unhappiness however that isnt enough and there isnt any love there to make it worth fighting for, thats how it ended.
That can be summed up as "it's too little too late" which is a standard WAS line. It is as script as it gets!
Quote:
It seems my efforts of concentrating on me for a change have been a green light for her to assume that i too have given up.
Not at all, it's just that you're "damned if you do and damned if you don't." You give her space and you're "cold and uncaring". You smother her with love and you're "too clingy and desperate." You try and strike a balance between the two and you're "lukewarm and ambivalent." That's why we say to do things for YOU, because your WAS is going to rain on your parade no matter what.
