4th quarter, Not looking forward to OT

[JFun51]

I have decided that I will consult an attorney to make sure I understand my rights. I am living separately in my own home. I want to continue to be a model for my sons. I had a consultation with another marriage counselor a couple of months ago and he suggested a relationship vacation. At least 2 days away from her and the house to recharge my batteries, remove myself from the crazy, and objectively decide what to do. No contact at all for 2 days. I may try to plan that in the coming weeks.

I have no choice but to continue on this path for the next several months. As we finish this school year at the end of May, I can reevaluate.

[Lostforwords]

JF-

I wonder about the weekend away thing. While I truly support gal'ing, relationship getaways, etc.....I don't know if you leaving for a weekend would be in your best interests. Sometimes I am overly cautious, but I ask that you do think about it.

[ericmsant2]

JF

I never disagree with LFW, except in this case. I was told the same thing by my therapist while going through an in house separation. At first I fought it - I could not bring myself to do it. What about the kids? I would say to myself. I can't leave them with her? I would give myself reason after reason as to why I could not do it. What is my XW lawyer going to say? How will they use this against me? What will my kids think? I know my XW will use this against me? I drove myself batty.

Then.....

One day....it hit me. Not sure who or what...or even how..It just happened.

I realized that in order for me to be a good dad, a good man. That I too needed to find some peace for myself. I too needed a break. A break for the OM, break from my XW, break from attny's, break from the pressure of laundry, cooking, cleaning, working, being super dad. Hell - I needed a break from even my kids. The things I love most in this world.

So I took a weekend to myself. WOW. I was able to recharge. I was able to center myself. It gave me just what I needed to last a little longer.

I think talking to an attny is a good idea. Write your questions down. Protect yourself. Make sure that your attny agrees that you can do it (you will want to protect yourself from accusations that you abandoned the house).

Take a break JF. Take a 2 days for YOU. YOU deserve it!

Peace,
Eric

[Mach1]

I never disagree with LFW, except in this case.

Always and Never are words that make us hypocrites...

Jus sayin

: )

I find myself in between the two.

I agree with the needs for space away, and time away. It helps recharge, and it does help find a balance....

The part that gets confusing, is the message that it sends. To your children, to your spouse, and the most importantly for you ???

Right now ???

I would ask this during your consultation, and find out legally what impact this will have on your case.

Maybe start with just 24 hours, and work your way into what is healthy for you ...and what is NOT considered any kind of abandonment.




Which leads me to....

When you do your consultation, please pick out the meanest SOB within 4 counties to consult with. Find the one with the nastiest reputation for Divorce law.

Now before you say that you cannot afford them ??

You don't have to afford them, or even use them. As long as you consult with them first ?

There won't be any chance of your spouse using them either. It was my insurance policy for myself in that regard....

Additionally...

Your lawyer will be your attack Dog. They do not make a move without your permission, and they should understand that YOU will direct them....

Right now isn't about attacking anything. Right now is about protecting yourself.

It isn't about what you want to do, it is about what you NEED to do....

Keep it quiet, and keep everything well hidden. No need for the kids to accidentally bump into anything.

[Lostforwords]

JF,

The boys did the thinking for you....I agree with Eric that you need a break, and at the same time I agree with Mach to make sure you are covered on the business front.

[AJM]

I always think never and always are overstated

JF, take the break first. What does it look like to your kids? To your W? To anyone else that asks? It looks like you're taking a few days away by yourself. It's not abandonment. It's not giving up. It's not leaving your kids to the wolves. It's a mini-vacation from your stressful life.

I highly recommend it.

Picking a L is tiring if you ask me. You have to interview them just like you would any other new hire. It takes time and energy and emotionally it's draining. Be warned that many of them will try very hard to play the emotional cards with YOU. They try to manipulate YOU based on your emotions to keep the case going. I don't recommend that.

When I asked my C for a list of lawyers, she handed me a list of 4. My friends handed me many, but the C had been professionally doing this a long time and knew me and my goals. The first three, she said were good and would have the kids best interest at the forefront, especially one of them. She said this last one? He's an A**hole if that's what you need. He's the best A**hole in the county and possibly the state. You decide.

LOL. As if there was a choice. I only cared about my kids. I went for the L that would have my kids at heart even above my own feelings. She very much lived up to that and I'm glad I chose her.

By taking the time to get away, you get a chance to recharge before facing the various personalities of the lawyers. If you don't, you may find that they know how to push your buttons and make you a puppet because you're too tired to stop them and it sounds good at the time.

AJ

[uRworthy]

Hiya boys . I feel like I need a freakin secret handshake or something. LOL!

J, I know it is hard to read through everything and decide what you need and what you dont. Its a lot of information from a lot of different people.

So, read all this and then sleep on it. Come back another day and read it again. Take what you need, leave the rest.

Here's what I used as my guidelines for what to do. Was I acting in my best interests and the interest of my son? Was I being true to myself and to who I was becoming? Were the actions I was thinking of taking moving me closer or further away from my goal - and that goal is whatever you determine.

I know there are times you feel as if you are in survival mode. Just getting through the day.

The thing that got me through most times is that I made up my roadmap of who I wanted to be and how I wanted to act. I knew I wanted to act with dignity. I wanted to stand strong and I did not want to be the cause of any rift in the relationship between my son and his father.

I knew exactly how I wanted to act regardless of what my h was doing or saying. I did not deviate from it no matter what he said or did. I kept that roadmap in my head at all times so I didnt ever have to think about what to do.

So, get information because knowledge is power.Figure out what you need to do in order to remain who you are.

Understand that you will be tested again and again. The more she sees you unruffled, the more she will try to get to you. Dont let her.

Use your roadmap, my friend.

[Qdale]

Hey JF,
I have been following you for a while.
My sitch is a parallel universe to yours.
I reached the same point as you last week.
I'm also in NC.
Let's keep working on ourselves.

Me 51 W 52
T-31 M-24
D20, D16,D14
ILYBNILWY 6/13
EA 7/13

[ericmsant2]

Hey uRworthy....

I feel like I need a freakin secret handshake or something

Not you B...nah...your one of the guys . Now, FTR, the secret handshake is not a handshake at all. It is two winks, a butt giggle, a spin and a jump (while screaming..."I am sexy").

You should see AJM and Mach do it. It is hilarious.

JF - sorry for the hijake. Just checking in...you okay?

Eric

[AJM]

J may be fine, but after picturing Mach screaming "I am sexy" while laughing out his butt (butt giggle? I don't think I want to know...) is a bit much for me.

Hopefully J is away for a bit recharging. Gone fishin' or somethin'. Not thinking about laughing butts or any of us for that matter

AJ