First ....it is way to early in the game for talk about this custody stuff. In a way, at the end of the day, it is one of those things out of everyone's control. The irony being is truly at the end of the day....The kids will decide their own custody arrangement. It sounds weird (and yes your kids are younger), but my kids define pretty much when they want to see their mother. It will work out for the best.
Since I have been following you 3B,,,,I have seen a tale of two women. One who hasn't followed through with boundaries, has had a cake eating happy husband, and was generally unhappy and confused. The other women...now she has enforced her boundaries, ticked off the husband a bit, but was in a much better place mentally and emotionally.
Which do you prefer to be?
From my reading you have two clear boundaries.....Don't use your house as his own.....and the OW has to be gone before you can start on piecing. These are for you and definitely worth keeping. Go to counseling, but stay with your boundaries. You deserve for him to respect these boundaries.
As for him being bothered about Tuesday....That is his to own. If he respected boundary 2....then there would be need for boundary 1 as hopefully he would be working with you on rebuilding the relationship.
