Sad times

[MamaB]

Labug, the things I liked about my marriage were that we were a family. I liked supporting my H through his job rise, he has found great success and I was a part of that. I liked feeling that I also had someone that was there for me. I love our family, watching the kids play soccer, going out as a family of 5, having dinner together and talking about our day..... etc.

The things I did not like was lack of affection and intimacy. I felt lonely a lot of the time and I did feel under appreciated because I did not work outside of the home. The care of the children fell 95% to me. All homework, teachers, doctors, practices, rides were things that my H did not have time to help with, but he supported us financially and he resented that.

Breakdown,

My H never mentioned the lack of affection, but I think (trying not mind read) he would have liked more from me. For example, before he withdrew, when he would come home from work and kiss me hello, I would offer up a cheek. I was usually in the middle of making dinner. What I should have done was stop, give my H a kiss and acknowledge that I was happy he was home. This goes with being "more present" I should have taken the time to make him feel welcome.

The lack of intimacy and sex was more my H. He had a very low sex drive, this really started whenever I was pregnant and just lasted. This led to me feeling hurt, and I was not as comfortable with showing affection. I do regret that we did not nurture our relationship as a couple over our relationship as parents. We did not go out with just the two of us that often, and we should have made our marriage more of a priority.

Thank you Brian, for the reminder about happiness being a choice, I tell this to my children all the time. I know this is so new and raw, and I have to feel my feelings, but I need to get to a better place so that I can think more clearly.

My H came home last night after two weeks away. I can't even look at him or talk to him. I just feel so hurt and disappointed with his decision and that he told me over the phone. I know not being able to face him is about my ego. My ego is getting in my way of communicating with him. I know this, but I can't seem to get over it or get out of my own way.

Also I have been thinking about detachment, I'm so far from detached. I have downloaded and started to read the codependent book that was recommended to Melissa , and I'm very much enmeshed in my H life. Also, I think maybe in my kids lives as well. Their victories are my victories, their struggles are my struggles. I have lost myself over time.