Hmm why wouldn't he have 50% custody? Was this and agreement you had?
When my H left, he promised that he would never take the kids away from me and would not demand 50% custody because he knew how much being with the kids means to me. Even last night, H said that he knows that he decided to leave and that he decided to stop trying and that I should not lose out on my time as a mom because he made that unilateral decision. H wants the kids to have one home and not feel like they are shuffled between two houses. He wants them to have as consistent of life as possible given the circumstances. We have proceeded with the same arrangement since BD.
Since BD, I have tried to be accommodating with my H and his requests to see the kids, even on nights that were not his. I dont ever impose on his time with the kids. In fact, Tuesday night was the first time that I did not extend an invitation when I knew he was hinting at it. I told H that I wanted to be good co-parents and that I would try to be as accommodating as possible. I told him that it just hurt that one time I said no and he threw out the threat. I also told him that if he had asked in advance, I would be more willing to work with him on things. It just feels like he waits until he has nothing better to do and then decides to swing by. Last week, we had made arrangements to rearrange dates this week with the kids due to his vacation schedule. I thought it was resolved, but then he called on Tuesday night asking to come over. I had already made plans with my mom. I told him it would be easier for me if we discussed in advance. His response is that he is not a planner. I told him that I understood, but due to the difficult of this situation it would be helpful if he could plan a little, especially when he knows that he is going out of town and would like to make changes to the schedule. I would feel like he was more respectful of me in that situation.
Originally Posted By: labug
What was your boundary? I think I remember but may not be 100% clear.
The main boundary was that he could no longer treat my house like his home (no more laying in our bed watching tv, no more showers, etc). It was at that point that he set up our morning and night visitation schedule with the boys. While we have set dates, it is a flexible schedule in that we both try to ask in advance to change dates if things come up. I honestly dont mind changing, it is just the last minute requests to come spend time with the kids that bother me.
Originally Posted By: labug
Is he still in R with the OW?
The other boundary was that I did not want to have a R with him while he was in a R with OW. This is the boundary that I really have not enforced well at all recently. For a while, he respected this boundary and I enforced it well. I would not respond to texts/emails of a personal nature. But lately he has been pursuing me more. There was a noticeable change. H told me last night that he feels things for me that he has not felt in years. He has also flat out told me that he wants me to pursue him. He claims that OW is only in the picture because of their business. H does not want to lose the business that he has built. He claims that they never had a PA and that a large part of why he picked her up when she was down was to save their business. I dont know what to believe. All I know if that I hate her and I wish that he would affirmatively pick her over me. I hate this part. I feel like if I dont try and pursue him, I will also wonder whether we could have started something great if I had just tried and did not withhold affection like a did in our M. I really dont know what to do.
Originally Posted By: labug
Did you do a 180? Or is that how he sees it?
I definitely pulled back after we had a good week together and reconnected. He was trying and I got scared that I would get hurt again. H usually pulls back but he did not this time.
