3bm, that was really courageous of you to ask him directly why he has not filed. I'm sorry he didn't give you a real answer. Though I guess you can figure out what he is saying - he doesn't know what he is doing, but he wants yo to stay along for the ride.
What do you think about the things he said? Do you feel like you should ML more to see if he has "feelings' for you, or do you think that he is just trying to get you to drop your boundaries so he can keep both you and the OW and make a decision when he is ready?
Have you imagined what it would be like (not just thinking about how great it was when you ML or spend Christmas as a family, but day to day) if you did go to counseling and your H decided he wanted to R? What would he need to do in order for you to R with him? Would you take him back the way he is, or do you think he has more work to do?
3, I know it is awful to think about spending less time with your boys (it kills me), but you can't make life decisions based on custody. My L reminded me that I can be as nice as I want and give up all sorts of other stuff to entice my H to agree to the parenting time I am comfortable with, but he can go back any time he wants to get that amended. It svcks and it is unfair, but even if your H is selfish and a jerk and is the one who decides to leave, he is still entitled to time with your kids just as much as you are.
As an aside, do you think your H can handle three boys for say, three days in a row by himself? I know my H could never have done that at the ages your kids are. He can barely stand it now at ages 7 and 9. Every time he talks about how great his kids are and how much he loves them, he has to say they are really annoying and/or a pain in the ass sometimes. (It chaps my hide just to think about it, ugh.)
Anyway, I'm getting off point. The point is, custody will be what it will be. You can't control that. So don't make decisions based on fear around that.
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
