I'm glad that there's room for some good, robust discussion here.
Spouses who are married to partners with depression have an increase in depression and stress. This leads to an increase in stress-related illness. There is also a 9 (I think that's the number) fold increase in divorce in marriages with a depressed spouse. I guess that's the ultimate boundary.
This seems to suggest, to me, that it applies to long-term depression. Perhaps clinical, chronic depression. Not the short-term depression that is in tandem with MLC.
In a marriage where depression is a factor that is negatively affecting the family and the spouse is in denial or refuses to get treatment, I think it is acceptable to have a boundary that protects the family.
My issue is the type of boundary that you suggested in Melissa's thread. If I recall correctly, it was this: "I cannot be with you until you seek treatment." To me, you are implying that you will divorce your spouse unless he/she seeks treatment. It does not show unconditional love. The spouses do NOT choose depression. They don't go to the local store to buy liquor nor seek a dealer to get street drugs. A huge difference right there.
Cancer itself doesn't make people be disrespectful to other people but depression can result from cancer treatment, pain and the prognosis. We have to compare apples to apples, not cancer to depression but rather depression to depression. Cancer patients can become abusive. Caretakers often have to have boundaries about verbal, and even physical, abuse.
One needs to separate the condition (cancer, depression, etc.) from behaviors. Rude and disrespectful behaviors do need to be nipped in the bud irrespective of the person's situation. Which is why I urge the LBS in their posts not to tolerate such rude behavior out of fear. See the difference?
