Anyway, i have another question for you As or anybody else who wants to chime in. Since Ive already experienced a reconciliation and I'm familiar with what one is "supposed" to do, is it considered a game or manipulation employing "tactics" to get another reconciliation? Let me clarify. I know I'm supposed gal, have PMA, detach, etc. Even dating was a part of the process. I did eventually become detached when she came back but everything I did including time passing enabled me to get there. I know all those things are for me only and a reconciliation may or may not be a by-product. So if I know I have to gal, PMA, detach, eventually date; does that mean I'm playing a game or manipulating?
It all depends on your motivation. WHY are you GAL'ing and detaching, is it a tactic to get your W back? Or is it because you want to make yourself a better, more independent person? Let me give you an example- early in my sitch I told my W I was going out, then I went out to eat and had a couple of drinks by myself. I intentionally waited as long as I could so that I would get home after W. I walked in hoping she would ask where I was and who I was with (she did neither). ^^^NONE of that is detaching or GAL'ing. That was 100% tactics, I was doing it purely to "wake" W up. Looking back I just can't believe the desperate things I did early on, it's borderline embarrassing to even think about them, much less discuss them.
So, if you're doing things thinking "maybe if I do X and Y then she'll start to notice my differences, but if I do Z then she won't like that so I better not to it." Well that's not GAL, that's tactics. WAS's can see right through tactics, it makes them think "same old controlling LBS, just doing that crap to try and lure me back and get their way."
But if you think "I've never tried X, Y and Z and I would really love to, so I'm going for it!" Well THAT is GAL. And THAT is what you should do and how you should approach things. Your W should not even be a consideration in your GAL efforts, they are for YOU and YOU alone.
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I ask this because even after the first time I became fully detached I still knew if my ex came back I would want to try again.
And that's fine! You can detach and GAL and still have hope for your sitch. That doesn't necessarily mean you're GAL'ing as a tactic.
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It feels like I may be playing a game/manipulating(maybe those arent the right words) because I've been down this road before and I sorta know what to expect.
Drop the expectations. There's no reason to expect it'll play out the same as last time. It probably won't. I'm not saying you won't reconcile, just saying if you do it'll likely be a different journey than it was last time.
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Maybe I'm supposed just do all these things for myself(regardless of what anyone thinks, including myself), not think of any outcome or what she's doing and if reconciliation is that by-product again so be it?
