I was right...my H was pissed about Tuesday night. He was upset that for the first time it felt like we were not on the same page about co-parenting and he felt like I dug my heels in the sand and would not budge to his detriment and the detriment of the kids. I told him that I understand why he may have been upset. I explained my reasoning. He of course does not think that my reasoning was valid. While he claims that it was not a threat, he said that he has not pushed for 50% custody because he knows that it would make me upset but that if I want to be firm them maybe we will have to revisit our custody arrangement. To me this feels like a threat that if I dont get on board with his wishes, he will push for 50% custody.
We talked for two hours about things. More rewriting of history. While he says that he knows both of us contributed to the problems in our marriage, if any of his issues were pointed out he immediately blamed me. H really did not take much ownership in anything.
I asked him what he was waiting for. If I am this person that he has no interest in because he believes me to be a certain way, then why wait to file. He is not ready to be done. H claims that he is waiting for a feeling towards me. He says that the feelings towards me have been increasing. He says that he really enjoyed last week when we ML and were more flirty and acting like ourselves. If I continue to act as a friendly neighbor, than my H will never have "feelings" for me. He said that he was so confused that I did a 180 after having a few really good days together. He did also mention that he has been considering whether it would be good for us to start going to counseling together. Am I missing something? Is he trying to tell me that he wants to try and see if something is there? Or is this just another excuse/him cake eating?
I feel defeated today. I feel completely controlled and at the mercy of my H because I do not want to lose any more time with my kids. Due to my full time job, which I must keep, my time is already so limited. I only get to see the kids for two hours on the weeknights that I have them. I am trying to make the most of it, but this SVCKS! I want to give up, yet I know that is not even possible.
I am heading out of town in a bit, so I am limiting my pity party to this morning.
