Innis, I can relate to a lot of things you posted. My H also started distancing himself, being annoyed with me, behaving strange about 18 months prior to BD. He told me that he was not happy in our M for the past 2-3 years (prior to BD), he wanted to start a new phase of this life “after me”, he wanted to be friends with me, blah, blah, blah. He also told me that is was best for both of us. I did notice the depression, but didn’t correlate it with MLC. He removed himself from my life completely and by the circumstances he was kind of living a new life. He works in another state, so he just left all his stuff in the house. Then he picked up some, but not all. And now I don’t see any urgency on his part to take the reminder of his belongings and separate finances/accounts any further. It’s been 18 month, so I’m further along on this journey.
And yes, he is able to function in other parts of his life, working and managing the bills and stuff.
You have very good advice here. Keep posting. I read your thread all the time, it helps me too.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Hi Bright Future - thanks for posting and i am very sorry to hear about your own situation. is there another woman involved? I am only 5 weeks since BD so it is still fresh for me. In that time I have found a place to live, after travelling from the other side of the world to get home, moved my things (and D's) out of his house - he has cut us off - coldly asked for me to leave our keys on his kitchen table as I was leaving for the last time last week and accused me of stealing his shampoo and conditioner. Crazy things I have been reading a lot here and so much of WAP makes sense in terms of depression , self medication with OW etc. But the biggest pain is the apparent deletion of myself and D......for this new "beginning", for his "rejuvenation".... Thank you for encouraging for me to keep posting. I have had a bad day - I am hoping tomorrow will be better.. x
I did not sleep well last night - in turmoil - sweating, pain etc. I got up this morning quite early and sat with my self and my pain. I realised that I cant carry it any longer. My suffering has been too great over the last few weeks. I then remembered "Broken Heart on Hold" and started to read it again. It reminded me of Gods place in all of this. It reminded me that I havent handed this over to God - and I think now is the time. I have reached the point where I cant do it any longer. I have sat here quietly with myself and spoken out - asked God for his help. I have had a sense of calm which I havent felt in days. I guess this is all part of letting go and letting God do His work. I realise that is all I can do. Nothing I do or say will make a difference to WAP now. Our lives are separate. There is no obvious need for communication now or in the future. I now want to use this time to be the best person I can be and be the best mother I can be. If it is Gods will, for WAP to ever be in contact again, then I need to trust that it will happen. I have nothing left to do or give. Would appreciate thoughts? Thanks everyone I x
Turn it over to God and allow him to watch over your man. It's true, there's nothing you can say or do to change his course in life...only he can do that.
Time to focus on you and your daughter. Life is far too short to sit there and wait for any little tidbit he might toss your way. I know it hurts, but you've got to move forward and live your life to the fullest.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
today is a new day. you get to decide to be ok, to be happy , to be strong. daily I ask for this. I am a very spiritual person. I know exactly the pain you are feeling, we all do. it is not easy. I know the book you are referring too. it has helped me as well as another one by Sarah Young.
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
Thank you both - my upset is going in waves but I am continually trying to hand it over to God - I can do nothing else except trust in the process now. Too much pain I am afraid. What is the book by Sarah Young? x
jesus calling by sarah young not sure protocol. it has helped me
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
The book Broken Heart on Hold is such a comfort.....it really brings you back into the space of trusting God and the bigger/picture and process. It does give hope to the pained and wounded..... Rook mentions a number of success stories and, likewise reading through success stories here on the site it does give a sense of possibility. For the people here who are standing - how do you get through the times when it is most dark, where there is No contact when the WAh/P/W is ADAMANT that it is done, over, finished. When another person is involved? Is this the meaning of letting go and letting God? So that he can quietly work behind the scenes on then WAH/W/P and the LBS? x
Yes, you go no contact, i.e., dark, and allow God to work on your companion. M Go Blue was the first to come here and say let go, let God and it's true...
The more he is allowed to focus on himself and whatever he needs to do to get to the other side, the better. The more you contact/interact w/him, the longer it will take. His focus has to be on him and right now, his self medications.
This is your opportunity to work on yourself, make changes if necessary and focus on you and your daughter.
You have to have faith in God and yes, the system does work.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I agree with everyone about letting go and putting your faith in God and let Him handle your H! I was able to do that the first time my H left and he did come home but he was not ready yet and has left again. I am putting him back into God's hands! What I am having trouble with is learning to accept that God may have a different plan for me this time...I KNOW, deep down inside that I will be ok whatever the outcome. I just need to reach the point of acceptance!!!
Are you reading Wonka's thread? He is a former MLCer. It is interesting to read about his journey...
(((hugs))) CW
BD-Aug 2009 OW Confirmed H moves out Dec 2009 D filed by H-Mar 2010 H asks to come home April 2011 BD AGAIN 1-15-2014! H seeing FOW! H ran away again! 1-18-2014
