Wouldn't wish this on anyone

[artsy]

Journaling: (I'm not sure anyone reads my posts, anyway...lol)

H was Mr. Chatty yesterday via text- even called me "hot"...???? He's supposed to "stop by" tomorrow, but I'm not really sure I want him to. I've had a great week, and I'm afraid I'll let a weird, awkward comment from him taint it. But, I can't avoid him, or we'll never get anywhere. So, I guess I'll suck it up, put on a happy face and muscle through it.

I do think he can "sense" when I'm pulling away. But, I believe in energies, auras and all that "stuff".

Wish me luck!!

[KGirl]

I read, artsy! : ) I hope your meet-up tomorrow goes well, however that might be defined for you at this point.

[artsy]

Heeeeyyyyyyyy! Thanks, KGirl!!!

I know! I'm trying not to poo-poo it before it even happens. I really have been happy all week- back to my "old" self. I need to channel and maintain that for tomorrow!

I'm totally fine without him around, I just need to maintain that when he's here REGARDLESS of what he says or does. That's what this whole thing is all about, huh?!

Thanks for stopping by!!

[labug]

I think a text that says jsut Hey says a lot more than many texts.

You'll do fine tomorrow.

[artsy]

Hi, bug!

I'm still a bit confused about the text, only because he had also left me a note at the house- that coupled with the fact he sprayed the dog with his cologne just equals some strange stuff, IMO... !! (She really was doused with it- I can still smell it!!!) Especially when we had just come off of a NC period. He waffles between completely ignoring me to consecutive days of regular contact. I'm sure that's fairly normal, considering.

I'm guessing he will be MIA again next week, with Valentines day, etc. And I'm okay with that!!

Thanks for stopping by!!

[JayMan]

It is very normal. W would waffle between wanting to sleep with me, to telling me if I talked to her, she'd call the cops.

Just be distant!

[artsy]

Thanks, Jon.

I prefer to think I shall be "mysterious". Lol

[artsy]

Ok- survived the visit!!!

We ended up meeting for breakfast and then he came back to "my" house (he likes to throw possessive pronouns in there, I'm guessing to convince himself).

Anyway, I was cool as a cucumber. He was not. He paused a few times while talking at breakfast and looked like he was going to cry, so I quickly changed the subject. We got back to the house and he noticed his painting supplies were moved around a bit and asked if I had painted. I told him about the bedroom and he asked to see it, so I showed it to him.

Well, then he got his sad face on. He started hugging me- telling me he missed me. He said he's a mess- jokingly said he might end up in a mental institution but I think part of him meant it... Kissed me ALOT. And made plans for next week to come over and visit again. He had tears on his cheeks when he left. He said "bye, baby" as he was closing the door...as if nothing had changed.

But, I remained neutral territory! I returned affection, smiled a lot, joked and did not climb on his emotional roller coaster. I also am having zero expectations to see him next week. I'm not letting myself backslide!!!!

He has a weekend filled with work and more work, while I have a weekend of bowling, volunteer work, and skiing! I feel he's chosen to be sad. If he would seek some help maybe he could climb out of his depression hole. But, not my problem to solve!!!!!

Gotta go get my bowling stuff ready!!!

[artsy]

Ok, I need some opinions:

H has been in contact more the past 3 days than the whole time since he left. He's been emailing and texting a lot more...starts out business-like then he keeps it going with general convo stuff. And he wants to hang out again this Thursday.

Here's my question: I just found out I have skin cancer on my back. I'm not worried about it, but it's requiring a legit surgery to remove it. Both H and my friend offered to take me (it's on the 26th). Would it be a vote of confidence, per se to have H go with me? It almost feels weird having him take me. I'm not sure which I would rather have-in the past I would have wanted H, no question. But now...

What say you guys????

[labug]

What do you want to do? Who will you be more comfortable with?