Well the "cross words" things is good....It means you are changing your communication patterns. That is a 180 for you.
What she is saying about agreeing to everything is called walking on eggshells. You are agreeing with everything because you don't want to rock the boat. That isn't what a man does. Instead you go with what you are feeling clear and true. This is tough in that you have to find the balance (have you read the book I suggested)of working with her while holding your beliefs.
Using dinner from above...A weaker man would wait for his wife before serving dinner to everyone regardless of the affect on everyone. A stronger man would say:
"I appreciate when we have dinner as a family, but for the sake of the kids schedule I think we need to eat at 6. I know you are doing extra work at the gym, but for the benefit of the kids this is a better option in my opinion."
You state your feelings (dinner together is important), You state your thoughts on how to deal with your feelings (dinner at 6), you validate her hard work (extra gym time), and then you state that this is better for everyone, not just her.
Your wife is screaming that she wants you to man up.....but don't forget that manning up doesn't mean be an a@@.
