One baby step at a time...

[2ndTimeHurt]

gosh learn to piece properly?? what do you mean by that?
I need to learn these things.... trying to absorb as much about piecing as possible! please elaborate!

There's a bunch of things specific to my situation(find out what is specific to your situation and work on those!!) but there are some general things that I did not do. I thought I was being patient but I was not. After a few months I just assumed we were as strong as ever. The way I see it now, our r was on very fragile ground and I didn't treat it like that. I thought I wasn't rushing things but looking back I did.

One huge mistake I did was I focused all my energy on how to fix us. I tried so hard to fix how to communicate. That's a huge mistake. I shouldve focused on everything or at least on other things. My ex wanted to live the relationship and not talk about it. I was confused by that at the time. I easily could've continued learning or reading on the side but instead I became a bit resentful because I thought she didn't want to try. I could've just enjoyed the relationship like she suggested and worked by myself on the side.

Another huge mistake was our counselor. It felt like every time we went there we were happy, but when we left we felt angry. If I ever get another chance I will definitely seek a counselor who is pro marriage and offers solution based therapy. Our "problems" were so easy to fix but our counseling sessions were basically us talking back and forth with no progress forward. No solutions. Just a bunch of he said she said. Or our feelings are valid. Where were the solutions?!?! It would've helped so much if our counselor said "what's an issue?", and then "well, let's try this or that". I know it's probably not as easy as that but I'm sure it would've benefitted us more than just talking about our feelings and saying they were valid.

I'm sure there are a lot more to piecing but those are things for my situation that would've helped. Bad luck also screwed us up. My ex wanted to get a IC but their communication via email was so bad that she just gave up. She couldn't even get scheduling done right for her first appointment and sadly that counselor was the only one available at the centre we went to. Sure my ex couldve gone somewhere else but she was still a scared squirrel and I thought that couples counseling was a good first step.