Well it's been a while since I posted an update. It's been a week and a half since we really spoke. She came to the house once to bring D to an activity. Quick chat about kids, she showed me her Facebook movie and honestly...it grossed me out.
It was nothing but her and her friends...just tons of them. No pics of the kids, not even one. I popped up in one of the pics and she had to open her stupid mouth when it appeared "some of these are so random". *vomits*
Do you know what phrase pops in my head these days? "She's just not into you". I mean seriously. She's given me a variety of reason for this S, enough for any time of day. It started with "You're not a husband to me, you're just a friend". The latest? "There was no passion between us". And I re-read that last text message she sent me. It wasn't nice, I was just reading it with rose-colored glasses. It says "Maybe we will rekindle the passion. I don't know..." *dry heaves until something comes out*.
I even googled "She's not into you" and found an interesting list.
1. Message in A Message You call her, you leave a voicemail, and she texts you back. If she really wanted to reach out and touch someone, she would have rung you. Check! She's screened plenty of calls and replied in a text
2. Conflict of Interests Sure, everyone has a busy schedule, but it’s the quality of the excuse that counts. If it’s, “I have to clean my apartment,” she doesn’t want to get dirty with you. Check! I've always felt that if I EVER made the mistake of getting hit by a bus on Zumba night, she'll see me at the funeral.
3. Private Eyes Whether you’re having dinner for two or getting down on the dance floor, if she’s not looking at you, she’s not looking for you. Check!
4. Please You’re generous in the sack. She doesn’t return the favor. That’s the only clue you need. Now, no. But before the S, getting her to ML was like trying to wake the dead.
5. Easy Access At a party, if she’s talking to Joe Schmo and Wendy Whatsherface more than she’s chatting with you, you’re nothing special to her. Check! In fact she'll talk to anyone for hours about anything but she shuts up the moment I try to conversate.
6. Rider’s Block You shouldn’t have to jump through hoops to get her to give you the time of day. If you have plans, and she invites other people along, it’s time to say bye-bye. Double check. She has 0 time for me. Had none for years. Her a-hole friends? All the time in the world.
7. Friend in Deed She tells you what her friends think about you — and it’s not all good. This level of regurgitation is TMI and intended to drive you out the door. Check. I've heard how her friends were very into this S and told her not to try marriage counselling. And apparently at least one other friends thinks I'm a racist a-hole (I may be an a-hole...that's up for interpretation... but not really racist, no).
8. Cuddle Monster She has sex with you, but that’s it. She’s using you. Say adios — unless that’s all you want, too. Check. Last time we ML, she insisted it had to be at a hotel and she needed to go ASAP once we were done.
9. Multiple Choice If she so much as mentions other sexy guys, you have to forget her — because she won’t forget about them. She never did this one, but she did tell me once a while back that if she was single, she'd be whoring it up and sleeping&partying with all kinds of guys.
10. Dressed to Kill From lipstick to low-cut tops, if she never uses any of the tricks of the lady trade to look her best for you, she doesn’t think you’re worth her effort. Check. It was this way before she left.
Why am I telling you this? I just see it now. She's not into me. It's not like we had one fight too many about my drinking and cheating or something, she just doesn't want me.
Not bragging but I've been approached by women now. I'm not some romeo, but I'm attractive and they've been told me why they're into me. I'm told I'm handsome, funny, adventurous, interesting and apparently it's impressive that I have a good relationship with my step kids to the point one visits a lot and the other lives with me full time...but she doesn't think so. I'm just a friend, there's no passion...
I don't know what to fix here. I'd rather ML with a person who wants to spend the night to be honest with you. Is this crazy? Is this quitting?
Resentment occurs when we aren't doing what we need to care for ourselves, though we expect others to do it for us.
